Two years back, Gina and I marked 30 years of marriage with a trip to Iona, Scotland. This was the grand finale of a 2 1/2-year journey in spiritual formation through Fuller Theological Seminary. I wanted to celebrate this milestone with the love of my life, honoring three decades of marital happiness.
The reason I’m sharing this blog now is that I’m heading back to a retreat center where I’ve been taking personal retreats since then. It’s a peaceful spot, tucked away in the northern California mountains, and it’s called Iona House (no relation to Iona, Scotland).
I’m writing about retreats because it’s crucial to take a step back and slow down!
As followers of Jesus, we navigate numerous paradoxes. A paradox is something that seems contradictory at first glance, but actually has a deeper, synergistic connection. Here’s one that resonates with me from the Apostle Paul:
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
(II Corinthians 12:9)
I can’t claim to fully grasp this paradox. But it’s one of those concepts that retreats help us, as Jesus followers, to reflect on, allowing us to return to the world with a renewed perspective.
I highly recommend a book entitled: “Invitation to Retreat: The Gift and Necessity of Time Away with God” by Ruth Haley Barton as a fantastic resource for practicing retreat. The “Practicing Retreat” section at the end of each chapter is pure gold, offering practical tips for planning and engaging in retreat. Two questions I’d like to assist you with, inspired by Barton’s book, are:
How do you prepare for a retreat?
Plan a time and a place.
This might seem simple, but it can actually be quite tough. I remember when I first relocated to So Cal from Phoenix, AZ, how hard it was to find a rhythm for retreat. Finding a suitable location was even trickier. I tried out several spots, but nothing felt quite right. Some places were overly religious, while others gave off a creepy vibe. But in the end, you really need to find a spot that feels right for you.
Do less with more and more with less!
I’m a fan of this super simple acrostic: ESP – Eat, Sleep, Pray.
Be careful not to turn this into a ‘writing’ retreat, meaning – try to get as much work done as you can during your ‘free time.’
Go digital-free:
Once you get to your destination, switch off and stash away all your digital devices. I’ve found this to be a major temptation. It might start with a text, which can quickly turn into an email. Before you know it, you’re chatting with loved ones when you didn’t plan to. The goal is to get more comfortable with silence.
*For more tips on Planning Your Retreat, check out Appendix 2 in Barton’s book.
How to Practice Retreat
Think about a daily rhythm.
One thing Iona House offers is the chance to join the community for fixed prayer times in the morning, at noon, and in the evening. This is a fantastic way to structure your day. But it’s also useful to consider your own rhythms. Here’s a glimpse of my usual day on retreat:
Personal Bible reading
Morning Prayer in community
Hike and meditate (sometimes while walking the labyrinth)
Noon Prayer in community
Nap
Evening Prayer in community
Devotional reading
Bed
Don’t push it.
The truth is, you might feel the urge to accomplish too much at the start as you settle into a regular retreat rhythm. Go in with a question and let that question guide you throughout your retreat. In other words, don’t try to fix all your life and ministry issues while on retreat.
Be gentle with yourself.
This might come off as a bit ‘warm & fuzzy,’ but I read a book a while back that describes Jesus as gentle and lowly, which challenges the usual evangelical portrayal of Him (Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane Ortlund). The takeaway is, don’t be harsh, mean, or critical when your self-expectations don’t align with reality. Just be human.
*If you need more info on Fixed-Hour Prayer, check out Appendix 1 in Barton’s book.
What’s your retreat plan?
Take some time this week to map out your retreat schedule for next year. From my experience, if I put these dates on the calendar now and book my spots ahead of time, I’m much more likely to follow through! Otherwise, it’s all too easy for the less critical aspects of life and ministry to distract me from what really matters, even if it’s not urgent.
Can you believe it? We’re just three short weeks, a mere 21 days, away from our incredible journey to Congo! The excitement is truly building as we get closer to being there with everyone.
Gary Reinecke’s Christian coaching through InFocus has been a transformative support for us at The Lobiko Initiative. His deep knowledge, grounded in both biblical principles and coaching best practices, has helped reframe our entire understanding of what Christian coaching truly is. Gary doesn’t just teach theory; he equips us with practical tools, creates space for reflection, and guides us through real opportunities to practice.
What stands out most is his remarkable ability to contextualize coaching for our Congolese team, skillfully navigating cultural nuances and helping us apply the framework in ways that are both spiritually grounded and relevant to our context. As a result, our team’s coaching capacity has grown tremendously, and we feel far more equipped to walk alongside our partners and leaders in Congo.
I’m confident that this coaching will continue to empower leaders across Congo to realize their potential and bring lasting transformation to their communities. I can’t wait to bring more leaders into this coaching process!
Wilita Sanguma (The Lobiko Initiative, Executive Director)
Coach Training Update
We kicked off our coaching cohort back in January 2025, and it’s been such a rich experience with five of us, including me, diving deep into the process. Our main aim has been to really ground each leader in the coaching principles we explore in our book, Christian Coaching Essentials. It’s a comprehensive process, truly anchored in Christ, and each time we gather, participants dig into a part of the book, focusing on one of the five core elements. They then reflect and thoughtfully respond to some questions beforehand.
When we come together as a cohort, it’s a vibrant space where everyone gets to share their questions and insights from the reading. They also have the beautiful opportunity to be coached themselves, and for those who feel ready, to step into the coaching role.
Over these first four two-hour sessions, it’s been truly amazing to see the ‘lights turn on’ for each person. They’re making those vital connections, seeing clearly how they can better engage and empower the leaders with whom they’re currently working. This is such a pivotal moment in the training because it sets the stage perfectly for our face-to-face workshop in Canchasa, where they’ll get to practice and receive real-time feedback.
Some heartfelt observations from the training so far:
Why is this such a slow process?
Honestly, coaching isn’t something that comes naturally to many of us, and I’m learning to embrace the patience it takes to help people grasp the subtle, yet incredibly significant, shifts leaders need to make to effectively guide others through their self-discovery journey. By taking our time now, participants will actually be able to move much faster once it truly clicks for them and they begin coaching.
How do cultural nuances affect the training process?
This is a beautiful challenge, even here in America, but it’s especially true across cultures. The key for all of us (and especially for me!) is to maintain a posture of curiosity, remain open-hearted, and be truly eager to learn. In short, each session is a wonderful learning opportunity, inviting us all to grow. Practically speaking, we’ll certainly address language barriers as they pop up. One way I’m trying to help with this is by stepping away from traditional PowerPoints and using pictures as the primary way to communicate the main concepts.
How does coaching translate in the specific context of Congo?
This feels a bit like an experiment, and while I’ve had my doubts, it’s truly sticking! I’m taking a very relational approach in how I conduct the virtual training, which is why we’ve kept the group small, at five members. This allows for rich conversations, not just a one-way flow of information. I’m also becoming more and more aware of how crucial it is to let people actually see what coaching looks and feels like by doing real-life demonstrations during our sessions. It’s a powerful reminder of the importance of “showing how” before expecting people to understand. The payoff is immense: when we gather in July, everyone will have the chance to practice with real-time feedback. The reality is, each person will have had 10-15 hours of orientation before we even meet in person, so they’ll already be familiar with the coaching process, will have seen it in action, and will have experienced it for themselves.
Let me take a moment to answer some questions that might be on your mind:
Q: What about the travel ban?
A: Not to worry, it’s not us! There are two Congos, and the travel ban applies to the Republic of Congo. We are heading to the Democratic Republic of Congo. And either way, the ban is on their citizens traveling to the US, not on US citizens traveling there.
Q: What will be the impact of the coach training you are doing?
A: We’re truly focused on the “long game” here – training trainers! Ultimately, our goal is to empower these incredible leaders to multiply their impact. There are three key areas where this will deeply impact the local workers in Congo:
Relationally: Leaders will learn to truly listen to their team members and ask questions that open up new ideas, explore fresh options, and significantly increase their awareness.
Expand: This will help them expand their ministries’ influence and grow their teams in meaningful ways.
Accessible: By partnering with national, indigenous leaders, we’ll work hand-in-hand to contextualize the training, making it accessible to the local church to help plant healthy, reproducing churches.
Q: What will you be doing in Congo?
A: Here’s a glimpse of our exciting itinerary from July 9-19, 2025:
Wednesday: We’ll arrive in Canchasa (the capital city) and take a well-deserved rest.
Saturday: We’ll fly to Gemena to connect with Project Lobiko, the ministry team we’re so excited to be training.
Sunday: We’ll have the joy of attending church and spending precious time with the children at the orphanage.
Monday: We’ll participate in the university chapel, then visit the medical center and the nutritional program (which serves 200 kids!). We’ll end the day with dinner and time to simply hang out with the children.
Tuesday: We’ll spend the morning seeing more local ministries, followed by a wonderful celebration in the evening.
Wednesday: We’ll fly back to Canchasa to regroup and rest.
Thursday – Friday (July 17-18th): We’ll have the InFocus Project Congo Training Workshop.
We are so incredibly grateful for your support and prayers as we prepare for this impactful trip! The exciting part for me is when we meet next July 2026 in Canchasa, the team will be leading the workshop while I observe and give feedback. This is when the real learning occurs.
Want to stay connected with me in Congo?
Follow me on Instagram!
Who do you know that would like to partner with us?
I would love to connect with your friends and family who would be open to talking about our vision for Project Congo. Email me at greinecke@infocusnet.org to introduce us. Help us fill the gap that we need to meet our budget – CLICK HERE!
Are you a pastor? Church planter? A dedicated Christian leader in the marketplace who’s been pouring into others, perhaps for a while now? Do you feel that familiar tug to go deeper, to multiply your effectiveness and truly flourish in your calling? If so, you’re in the right place!
A pastor I was coaching had been applying a coach approach to the way he was empowering people – new disciples, leaders, and ministry leaders. When his vision expanded to empower other members of his staff to adopt a coach approach, we discussed the best training for his team members. One of his colleagues had a coach training process that he was comfortable using and offered to take my client’s team through. This is a great way to kickstart a culture of coaching in your ministry. I asked him a couple of questions:
“How will you know if the leaders that you are training are being trained in the essential skills of a Christian coach?”
He suggested that his friend knew what he was talking about and was confident this would accomplish the job. Then I followed up with:
“How will you measure if the leaders you are training are competent?”
This created a moment of silence. He had not thought about this, so this is what I suggested.
Ready to Elevate Your Coaching?
The next crucial step in your growth journey as a Christian coach is to pinpoint exactly where you can develop your skills. We’re excited to introduce you to a powerful tool designed to do just that: the 360-Degree Christian Coach Assessment.
This isn’t just any assessment; it’s a research-based tool built around nine core Christian coaching competencies. It’s an incredibly effective way to gain quick, reliable, and valuable feedback on your current coaching skills from four unique perspectives:
Self: Your own insights into your coaching abilities.
Client: Direct feedback from someone you’ve coached.
Coach or Coach Mentor: Wisdom from someone who has guided you.
Colleague: A peer who has observed your coaching in action.
Imagine the clarity you’ll gain from this full range of perspectives! You’ll receive a balanced view of your coaching abilities across all nine core competency areas. With this objective information, you can create a truly insightful personal action plan for growth, targeting the specific areas that will make the biggest difference in your coaching. Plus, this assessment is linked to a broader database, allowing you to see how your competencies compare to coaches who consistently achieve excellent results. To date, over 10,000 leaders have been assessed.
The 360-Degree Christian Coach Assessment helps you bridge the gap between your subjective sense of how effective you are and an objective, competency-based profile of your Christian coaching skills. Are you ready to take this next step and truly multiply your effectiveness as a coach?
What if I was trained using a different coaching model?
No worries! This is precisely the reason Bob Logan and I did ground-breaking research under the supervision of Dr. Chuck Ridley. We wanted to help you clarify! We answered the question: What do world-class Christian coaches consistently do with excellence? Regardless of whether you have been trained in a different coaching model or not, the assessment will help.
Here are three resources that unpack the coaching model we identified from our original research:
If you have been trained in another coaching model other than the one we unpack in the first two resources listed above, OR if you have been trained in our model, the 360-Degree Christian Coach Assessment was designed to help you know where to start. The key is competence. If you would like a guide to come alongside you in your coach development journey, CLICK HERE.
The bonus?
International Coach Federation (ICF) recognizes the 9 Christian competency areas, 55 behavioral outcomes, AND coach mentoring with InFocus. Bottom line: 10 hours of coach mentoring satisfy the requirement towards ICF certification.
Ready to take the next step in your personal coaching journey, or to empower your team with truly excellent Christian coaches?
I recently had the privilege of leading a workshop for pastors navigating the exciting, yet often complex, journey of “daughtering” a new church. As we delved into the practicalities of launching a new work, a crucial theme emerged, one that often gets overshadowed by talk of budgets and launch teams: the relational cost to the parent church.
We spent time focusing on the established church pastor’s perspective —the one who sends out a piece of their heart and soul into a new community. During a powerful demonstration with a pastor who had recently gone through this process, the word “recovery” kept surfacing. Not just financial recovery, but something deeper: the need for the parent church to heal.
Planting a church, birthing a new faith community, is exhilarating work. But let’s not sugarcoat it – it’s exhausting work for everyone involved, especially the parent church. They’ve likely poured resources, sent some of their best leaders, and invested immense emotional energy into this new venture. And when the dust settles, there’s often a quiet reckoning.
The Overlooked Tollbooth: Emotions
We often track the tangible impacts of a church plant:
Numerically: What happened to our Sunday attendance?
Financially: What were the direct costs of supporting the new church?
But there’s a less visible, yet equally significant, impact: the emotional health of the congregation.
This “Emotional Tollbooth,” as it surfaced in our workshop, is where the numerical and financial realities converge. If the church plant took a core group, perhaps some of your most passionate and gifted individuals, the parent church might feel a tangible loss. It can feel akin to losing a loved one who has moved away, is struggling in their faith, or has even passed away. The very champions you celebrated sending out can, in the quiet moments, leave a void. The Kingdom-advancing ministry you so fervently supported can, at times, feel more like a burden.
Witnessing the “Child” Thrive: A Mix of Emotions
We celebrated a significant milestone at The Refinery Church, the plant my wife, Gina, and I serve and call our church home. After 30 months, we finally reached financial self-sustainability for two consecutive months; it was a moment of pure joy.
But it made me wonder: how does the parent church experience this kind of achievement?
There must be immense pride, a deep satisfaction in seeing their “child” thrive. Yet, I imagine it’s intertwined with a complex tapestry of emotions. The joy of their success might be tinged with the ache of their absence. The parent church might feel a shift in their own identity, perhaps a sense of no longer being “needed” in the same way by those they sent out. Additionally, the realities of numerical and financial adjustments likely still linger.
A Forgotten Question: How Do We Help the Parent Church?
During the workshop, when asked how to support the parent church pastor and congregation navigating this “Emotional Tollbooth,” I stumbled. My answer was likely forgettable, some variation of “pay attention to it.”
But what I wish I had said, what I now believe wholeheartedly, is this: find a guide to walk alongside you throughout the process.
Missionally, the reasons to plant churches are compelling: reaching the unreached, mobilizing gifted leaders, and even revitalizing the mother church. Yet, the impact on the parent church is undeniable and demands our attention.
The Indispensable Role of Relationship: The Christian Coach
We can read books, listen to podcasts, and even ask AI for insights, but the most consistent and invaluable resource for navigating the parenting process is a relationship, specifically, the guidance of a competent Christian coach.
What can a coach offer the pastor of a parent church?
Perspective: A timely reminder of the courageous step of faith they’ve taken.
Partnership: A trusted friend in what can feel like a lonely journey.
Potential: Helping them see the new ministry opportunities that emerge within their own congregation.
Safe Place: A non-judgmental space to process the complex emotions that come with letting go.
Peace: Guidance on how to anchor their trust in the Holy Spirit amidst the inevitable shifts.
Remembering the Stages of Grief (Yes, Even Here)
As Elisabeth Kübler-Ross articulated in “On Death and Dying,” there are common stages of grief we experience when grappling with loss: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. While we aren’t talking about literal death, the parent church experiences a form of loss – the loss of key people, established patterns, and perhaps even a sense of their former identity. Understanding these stages can provide a framework for empathy and support as the parent church navigates this transition.
Investing in the Parent Church is Investing in the Kingdom
Let’s not underestimate the relational cost of planting a church. By acknowledging the emotional journey of the parent church, by providing support and guidance through coaching relationships, we not only care for those who have bravely stepped out in faith but also ensure the long-term health and vitality of the entire Kingdom effort.
Let’s shift our perspective. Let’s ask not just “What does it cost to plant a church financially?” but also, “How can we best support the heart and soul of the church that dared to give birth?” The answer, I believe, lies in prioritizing relationships and providing the guidance needed to navigate this profound and transformative experience.
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