Have you ever found yourself wanting to invite a neighbor to a church event, only to hesitate with your hand hovering over the doorbell?
If we’re being completely honest, there’s a common roadblock many of us face as followers of Jesus: the relationship gap. My hunch is that most people in your church feel the same. When we think about the people living right next door, we realize the depth of connection just isn’t there yet. We want to extend an invitation, but deep down, we know there’s a vital step missing. Way before an invitation to a church event is ever made, we have to ask ourselves: Do our neighbors actually feel seen?
Realizing this sparked a journey for my wife and me. We decided to bridge that gap by opening our front door and creating safe, inviting dinners right inside our home.
The result? It has been incredibly rich and rewarding. By simply sharing a meal, we’ve started to build a beautiful foundation of mutual trust and appreciation. It doesn’t happen by accident—it takes time and focus—but the payoff is life-changing.
What Does It Take?
You don’t need a degree in hospitality or a spotless house. It really just takes three things:
Intentionality: Making a conscious choice to slow down and focus on the people around you.
Prayer: Asking God to prepare your heart and the hearts of your neighbors.
Boldness: Taking that small, courageous step to step out of your comfort zone.
How We Did It (And You & Your People Can Too!)
Getting started is simpler than you think. We broke it down into four straightforward steps:
Set a date: Put it on the calendar so it’s real.
Create a list: Write down the names of the neighbors with whom you want to connect.
Make a plan: Keep it simple—no need to overcomplicate the evening.
Begin making invites: Take a deep breath and ask them!
A Few Things We Learned Along the Way
We’ve picked up some practical wisdom from hosting dinners like this in the past that made a massive difference in how the evening flowed:
Keep it cozy: We found that 4 couples (give or take) is the sweet spot for meaningful, inclusive conversation where everyone gets to participate.
Share the load: Make it a potluck-style meal. People love to contribute, and it takes the pressure off you as the host.
Guide the conversation: Create a few light conversation prompts to break the ice, then just let the natural group dynamic flow.
Try These Icebreakers: Here are three simple questions we used that sparked wonderful conversations:
What brought you to our neighborhood?
What are you enjoying most about your life right now?
What are you most excited about looking ahead to?
By the end of our last gathering, we simply asked if everyone would like to swap contact information, just in case anyone ever needed a hand with something. Without a moment’s hesitation, every single couple enthusiastically said “yes!”
The Big Takeaway
This might seem elementary, but in our current cultural moment, connection is king.
If you’re wondering whether your neighbors will respond, keep these three truths in mind:
People are yearning for community. Loneliness is at an all-time high; people want to be known.
People respond positively to the right invitation. A warm, no-pressure welcome goes a very long way.
Your living room is a bridge. Someone who might say “no” to a church event will often say a resounding “yes” to coming into your home as a beautiful first step.
Building community right where you live takes a little effort, but the community waiting to be unlocked right outside your front door is entirely worth it. Who is God putting on your heart to invite first?
Here are 5 reflection questions designed to help you and your people process the information in this blog and take practical next steps:
1. Assessing the “Relationship Gap.”
When you think about the neighbors living closest to you, how wide is the “relationship gap”? Do you feel you have established enough trust with them to invite them into your home, or are you starting from scratch?
2. Making Neighbors Feel “Seen.”
The blog emphasizes making neighbors feel seen long before an invitation to church is extended. What are some practical, low-pressure ways you can make your neighbors feel noticed and valued during your normal weekly routine?
3. Overcoming the Hurdles
The three points of action are: Intentionality, Prayer, and Boldness. Which of these three points feels the most natural to you right now, and which one will require the greatest step of faith?
4. The Power of Your Living Room
How does shifting the focus from “inviting people to a church building” to “inviting people into your living room” change your perspective on outreach? What makes the home a uniquely “safe space” in our current cultural moment?
5. Taking the First Step
If you were to set a date and create an initial invite list today, who are the first 3 or 4 couples (or individuals) in your immediate neighborhood that God is putting on your heart to connect with?
Is your church a “hospital” for the hurting, a “classroom” for the curious, or a “greenhouse” for growth? Most churches strive to be all three, but often get stuck in the cycle of program management.
If you’ve taken the Disciple-Making Assessment, you now have a snapshot of your church’s DNA. But a score is just a number until it becomes a conversation that leads to action. Whether your results were mostly “Green” (On Mission) or “Red” (Off Mission), here are practical ways to move the needle in each of the seven core areas.
1. Convictional Leadership
Prioritizing people over programs.
To move from managing an organization to leading a movement, leadership must shift its “success metrics.”
The Tip: Audit your calendar. If your week is 90% meetings about logistics and 10% meetings with people you are personally discipling, flip the script.
Action Step: Start every leadership meeting by sharing a story of a life being changed through a personal relationship, rather than reviewing the budget first.
2. Obedience-Based, Reproducible Models
Teaching “how to obey” rather than “how to know.”
Information alone doesn’t transform; application does. If your methods are too complex, they won’t be copied.
The Tip: Use the “I Do, We Do, You Do” model. Don’t just give someone a book; show them how to study it, do it with them, and then watch them do it with someone else.
Action Step: In your small groups, ask: “What is one specific thing you will do this week in response to this Scripture?” and follow up on it the next time you meet.
3. Prayer and Scripture as Foundations
Relying on the Spirit over the strategy.
Strategy is helpful, but the Holy Spirit is essential. If your plans don’t require God to show up for them to succeed, you might be dreaming too small.
The Tip: Implement “Listening Prayer” in your leadership sessions. Instead of just praying for God to bless your plans, spend time in silence asking Him for His plans.
Action Step: Ensure Scripture is the “primary voice” in the room. Before making a major decision, ask: “Does this align with the Great Commission, or are we just doing what’s comfortable?”
4. Relational Community
Intentionality over “hanging out.”
Fellowship is the “glue,” but discipleship is the “engine.” Healthy communities are safe enough for confession but intentional enough for challenge.
The Tip: Foster a culture of “High Support, High Challenge.” Be the first to lead with vulnerability; when leaders share their struggles, it gives the congregation permission to be real.
Action Step: Train your small group leaders to identify “Potential Leaders” within their groups from day one, rather than waiting for someone to “feel ready.”
5. Clear Pathways and Expectations
Clarity leads to movement.
If a newcomer has to guess how to grow in your church, they probably won’t. Complexity is the enemy of multiplication.
The Tip: Simplify your “On-Ramp.” Can a 12-year-old explain how your church makes disciples? If not, your process might be too foggy.
Action Step: Draw your discipleship pathway on a napkin. If it takes more than three steps (e.g., Connect, Grow, Multiply), trim the fat.
6. Mission Beyond the Walls
Success is measured by who we “send,” not who “sits.”
A church that only focuses on its Sunday service is a “cul-de-sac” for the Gospel. We want to be a “highway.”
The Tip: Shift the focus to the Oikos (the 8 to 15 people with whom each member naturally interacts). Equip your people to see their workplace or neighborhood as their primary mission field.
Action Step: Once a month, replace a standard “in-house” event with a “go-out” initiative where groups serve their local community together.
7. Leadership Alignment
Every department moving toward one goal.
If the youth ministry is doing one thing and the worship team is doing another, you’ll have a “silo” culture that drains energy.
The Tip: Create a “Unified Win.” Every department head should be able to answer how their specific area contributes to making reproducing disciples.
Action Step: Create a leadership pipeline. Identify people at the “Entry Level” (helpers), “Mid-Level” (leaders), and “Top Level” (coaches), and ensure everyone has a mentor.
“What is foggy in your head is confusing on a napkin. Clarity leads to movement.”
The goal of this assessment isn’t perfection—it’s reproduction. Pick one area today, gather your team, and decide on one “next step” you can realistically take this month.
How did your church score in the assessment, and which of these seven areas do you feel most compelled to focus on first?
Have you taken the Disciple-Making Assessment?
I recently picked up a book titled “7 Practices of Disciple Making Churches”. It is a fascinating read—one of the few I’ve found that digs into the traits of North American churches that are quietly adopting the powerful principles used by global disciple-making movements. Unlike the high-profile mega-churches that usually dominate our newsfeeds, these networks often fly under the radar, focusing more on depth than on the spotlight.
Are you ready to see where you stand? I’ve created an assessment to guide you and your team through the process to spark crucial conversations.
CLICK HERE to assess the Disciple-Making culture in your church!
Let’s move together from just managing crowds to truly multiplying the Kingdom. I’d love to hear what you discover as you walk through this with your team!
There is a unique joy in discovering a resource that feels like a “missing piece” for our mission. As we collectively lean into the work of multiplying disciples, cultivating leaders, and planting churches, we are always looking for ways to be more effective and more intentional with the leaders entrusted to our care.
Recently, I’ve been exploring a tool that has truly captured my attention. It’s called the MotivationCode (MCode) Assessment. While I’m still in the early stages of diving into its full potential, the insights I’ve seen so far are significant.
Why Motivation Matters Now
We all know that what a leader does is important, but why they do it—the internal engine driving their decisions—is what determines long-term sustainability. The MCode gets under the hood to help leaders understand their primary “motivation themes.”
While the applications are broad, I am particularly excited about how this can serve those of us working as professional leadership coaches. Whether you are coaching leaders here at home or navigating the unique complexities of international work, understanding motivation is a game-changer.
Impact Across Borders
This feels especially vital for leaders serving in restricted regions where a business or professional platform grants entry into the country. In these contexts, the pressure is high, and the margins for error are slim. Helping a leader establish a legitimate business that aligns with their internal motivations and mission is a wonderful thing. And in turn, these leaders can help others flourish in their vocation, all in the context of making disciples.
Taking the First Step
Because I believe in testing everything thoroughly, I’m starting at the beginning. I plan to introduce the MCode during the onboarding process for new coaching clients. By identifying a leader’s motivation style from day one, we can:
Tailor the coaching journey to resonate with their specific drivers.
Identify potential blind spots before they become obstacles.
Foster deeper self-awareness that leads to more authentic leadership.
Join Me in the Discovery
I am eager to see how this instrument sharpens our ability to develop leaders who are not just capable but deeply rooted in their calling. If you are curious about how your own unique “code” drives your leadership, I’d love for you to explore this with me.
I’ll be sure to share more as I continue to test the tool, but in the meantime, let’s keep looking for those resources that help us multiply our impact for the Kingdom.
When you are starting a new coaching relationship, training a new leader, or planting a new church, what is the one thing you’re most curious to learn about the people with whom you work?
Curious how your church culture is facilitating disciple-making?
I recently picked up a book titled 7 Practices of Disciple Making Churches. It is a fascinating read—one of the few I’ve found that digs into the traits of North American churches that are quietly adopting the powerful principles used by global disciple-making movements. Unlike the high-profile mega-churches that usually dominate our newsfeeds, these networks often fly under the radar, focusing more on depth than on the spotlight.
Not long after I finished it, I was catching up with a leader who catalyzes disciple-making groups in his congregation. We were talking about the common struggle of knowing if we are actually “winning” at the right things. He looked at me and asked, “I know we’re busy, but are we actually making disciples? I wish I had a simple tool to help my team look under the hood and see how our ministry is really doing.”
That conversation sparked an idea. I wanted to take those seven powerful practices and turn them into a practical coaching guide—something you can sit down with, reflect on, and use to determine your very next step.
Are you ready to see where you stand? I’ve created an assessment to guide you and your team through the process to spark crucial conversations.
CLICK HERE to assess the Disciple-Making culture in your church!
Let’s move together from just managing crowds to truly multiplying the Kingdom. I’d love to hear what you discover as you walk through this with your team!
Have you ever had one of those “aha!” moments that happen when you aren’t even looking for it?
I recently picked up a book titled 7 Practices of Disciple Making Churches. It is a fascinating read—one of the few I’ve found that digs into the traits of North American churches that are quietly adopting the powerful principles used by global disciple-making movements. Unlike the high-profile mega-churches that usually dominate our newsfeeds, these networks often fly under the radar, focusing more on depth than on the spotlight.
Not long after I finished it, I was catching up with a leader who catalyzes disciple-making groups in his congregation. We were talking about the common struggle of knowing if we are actually “winning” at the right things. He looked at me and asked, “I know we’re busy, but are we actually making disciples? I wish I had a simple tool to help my team look under the hood and see how our ministry is really doing.”
That conversation sparked an idea. I wanted to take those seven powerful practices and turn them into a practical coaching guide—something you can sit down with, reflect on, and use to determine your very next step.
The 7 Practices: Where is Your Pulse?
I want to invite you to take a moment and look at these seven areas. As you read through them, ask yourself: Where are we thriving, and where is the fog starting to set in?
Convictional Leadership: Making disciples isn’t just a program; it’s the “main thing.” What is your church’s actual main thing right now?
Obedience-Based, Reproducible Models: We move from “how much do they know?” to “how are they obeying?” What metrics are you using to see if multiplication is happening?
Prayer and Scripture as Foundations: Disciples can’t grow on human effort alone. How are prayer and the Word integrated into your daily process?
Relational Community: Growth happens best in circles, not just rows. What percentage of your community is in a real disciple-making relationship?
Clear Pathways and Expectations: “If it’s foggy in your head, it’s confusing on a napkin.” Could your average member draw your discipleship pathway on a napkin in five minutes?
Mission Beyond the Walls: We make disciples for the sake of those who don’t know Jesus yet. How are you encouraging your people to step into the “Harvest”?
Leadership Alignment: Everyone needs to be working from the same blueprint. What is your plan to keep your leaders focused and engaged for the long haul?
If that leader’s question resonated with you, I’ve put together a tool to help you get the clarity you’re looking for. It’s a simple assessment designed to be done with your team. You’ll rate each practice to get clarity and determine where to focus.
It isn’t about judgment; it’s about stewardship. It’s about ensuring that the energy you and your team are pouring out is actually resulting in the Kingdom expansion we all long to see.
Are you ready to see where you stand? I’ve created an assessment to guide you and your team through the process to spark crucial conversations.
CLICK HERE to assess the Disciple-Making culture in your church!
Let’s move together from just managing crowds to truly multiplying the Kingdom. I’d love to hear what you discover as you walk through this with your team!
I recently finished 7 Practices of Disciple Making Churches, and it shifted my perspective. While the headlines usually go to the fastest-growing mega-churches, there’s a quiet, powerful movement of North American churches learning from global disciple-making movements. They aren’t worried about the spotlight; they’re concerned with the mission.
Ready to see where your church stands? Grab your team, some coffee, and let’s walk through these seven shifts together.
The 7 Practices: A Deep Dive
Use these summaries and questions to spark honest conversation. Don’t rush—the goal isn’t to finish the list, but to find the “North Star” for your ministry.
Practice
The Heart of the Matter
Reflection Question
1. Convictional Leadership
Making disciples isn’t a thing we do; it’s the main thing.
Honestly, what is our church’s current “main thing”?
2. Obedience-Based Models
We don’t just want smarter disciples; we want more obedient ones. Simplicity scales.
How do we actually measure if our disciples are multiplying?
3. Foundation of Prayer & Word
We can’t give what we don’t have. Growth is fueled by the Spirit and the Scripture.
How are prayer and Scripture woven into our daily process?
4. Relational Community
Growth happens in circles, not just rows. Relationships are the “greenhouse” for disciples.
What percentage of our people are in actual disciple-making relationships?
5. Clear Pathways
“If it’s foggy in your head, it’s confusing on a napkin.”
Can our leaders draw our disciple-making pathway on a napkin in 5 mins?
6. Mission Beyond the Walls
We don’t make disciples for the sake of the church; we do it for the sake of the world.
How are we equipping people to make disciples in the “Harvest”?
7. Leadership Alignment
We need everyone building from the same blueprint.
What is our long-term plan to keep leaders focused on this mission?
Gather your team and color-code your current reality. Be brave—honesty here is the first step toward health.
Green: On Mission (Keep doing what you’re doing!)
Yellow: Needs Work (Deep dive: What can we realistically change?)
Red: Off Mission (Stop and engage your best leaders in a “hard reset” conversation.)
Coach-Tip: If you’re stuck on where to start, look at Practice #1. If the leadership isn’t convicted, the rest of the engine won’t turn over.
Action Planning: Taking the First Step
Don’t try to fix all seven at once. Pick one “Red” or “Yellow” area this week.
Example: Practice #1 (Convictional Leadership)
The Goal: Refocus disciple-making as the “Main Thing.”
The Action: Audit your church calendar. For every activity, ask: “Is this directly helping us make a disciple who makes disciples?” * The Rating: Assign a Green, Yellow, or Red to every program on the books.
What is the Holy Spirit prompting you to look at first? Let’s get to work!
Since we’re always looking for ways to see the Kingdom expand, I wanted to share something that really caught my eye.
Do you ever find yourself wondering what it actually takes to move beyond just growing a crowd and start truly multiplying? I’m talking about the kind of movement where disciples are flourishing, leaders are rising up naturally, and healthy new churches are taking root.
I’ve been diving into the “Becoming a Level 5IVE Multiplying Church Field Guide” by Todd Wilson, Dave Ferguson, and Alan Hirsch. With their blessing, I’ve synthesized some of their best insights into a practical tool for you.
Curious about how this looks in your specific neck of the woods?
I’d love to send you a simple evaluation to help you get a clear pulse on multiplication in your own context. It’s a great way to spark some fresh vision with your team!
[CLICK HERE to request your Multiplication Evaluation.]
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