by Gary Reinecke | Aug 21, 2022 | Uncategorized |
I was speaking to a friend recently about how we make life decisions. We discussed the importance of looking at a decision from God’s perspective vs. a human perspective alone. The difference is stark: when we make a decision based on the human intellect alone we might come away with a “good decision”; in contrast, when we consider God’s perspective on a matter we engage the spiritual dimension. This leads us down the path of prayerful decision making.
Early in our marriage, my wife and I were discerning where we wanted to live. At the time we lived in an apartment on the outskirts of Phoenix, AZ. As time went on, we sensed God calling us to move downtown. We wanted to move specifically into a poor, multi-ethnic community where we could connect with people who were far from God. Little did we know where we would land.
I’ve been learning some things about discerning God’s voice from other voices. I want to share with you some of what I’ve learned in the hope that in the quiet, you can better hear God’s voice too.
Borrowing from St. Ignatius (1491-1556), I have adapted the process he used to discern God’s will when making a decision. This is a process you can use personally or apply to help others. Gina and I applied many of these steps when we were discerning God’s plan for our move from the suburbs into the inner city.
1.State the problem
When we can clearly and succinctly state a problem, it’s already partially solved. Take time here to thoroughly understand the problem so you can concisely articulate it. A clearly understood problem is a problem 80% solved.
2. Unpack options
You will almost always have at least two options, if not more. Understand each one and its implications so that you can make an informed decision. The energy you put here will be well spent and will pay dividends later.
3. Pray for inner freedom
For Ignatius, “inner freedom” meant “indifference” to the outcome. Not ambivalence, but earnestly desiring God’s will, whatever it may be. Once His will was discerned, he would be wholly committed to leaning in and following through.
4. Do you need any other information to make a decision?
To gather all relevant information needed to make a prayerful decision is an important next step. What do you sense Jesus wants you to know in order to make a prayerful decision? The answer to this question will direct you down a path that might lead you to an unexpected outcome.
5. Pray for inner freedom – again
This can’t be overstated. The goal is to begin at a place of indifference and arrive at a place of acceptance. It’s easy to slide back and forth from a human place to a spiritual place.
6. List advantages & disadvantages
Surprisingly, I’ve overlooked this step more times than I care to admit. A simple list of the pros and cons can reveal the wisest choice. Make certain you have taken ample time to slow down, pray, and reflect on this step.
7. Evaluate the advantages and disadvantages
Now – compare and reflect on the advantages and disadvantages of the options before you. I would encourage you to think through opportunities and threats when making big decisions. This can clarify nuances you may not have considered.
8. Test your reasoning with your imagination
Ignatius engaged his imagination in the Spiritual Exercises using the Gospels in particular. Engage scripture and allow yourself to imagine that you’re in the scene with Jesus. Ask Him, “What do you have to say about this? Then ask yourself, “What was that like?”
This is where I am still learning. Use your imagination to project where you will be 3, 6, 9, and 12 months down the road with each option. What sensations are you experiencing physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and in your “gut”? Check in with your body: what do you sense is going on?
9. Make a tentative decision
In a way, this is testing the water before you finalize your decision. You can apply different tools to help you at this juncture. One tool I use is called the Objective Prioritization Process. Simply take your options and compare them against one other. For example, if you have four options, number each one and “match” all the various combinations (such as 1v2, 1v3, 1v4 and so on). Then choose which option you prefer under each and total the number of 1s, 2s, 3s and 4s. You will then have your top choice(s).
10. Confirm the decision
Decisions can be confirmed in a number of ways. Individually, you might need to sit with the decision for a season to determine how it feels and whether it makes sense. You might want feedback from trusted friends. Or you might simply move on once you affirm this is the direction you want to take.
11. Make your decision even if you aren’t certain about it
When I choose to make a decision I like to think I’ve made it prayerfully based on the information I had in the moment. Situations do change; but when I do my due diligence I can be sure the Holy Spirit has also done His.
Gina and I employed much of this process in discerning where we would move. Eventually, we landed in a townhouse in the middle of an immigrant community. People from all over the globe would settle there as a means to establish some stability in their lives with the hope of moving up and out. Over the 12 years we lived there, we started our family and found wonderful opportunities to see God work.
Discerning God’s will using a prayerful process made it possible for us to recall why we had moved there, especially during tumultuous seasons.
Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash
by Gary Reinecke | Aug 15, 2022 | Uncategorized |
You’ve been coaching for a while now. You may have even completed coach certification, but you feel there is something more… Are you coaching at your optimal level or could you be a better coach? How do you really know how well you’re doing?
First published on CCT
Sure, there are always some obvious red flags when your coaching isn’t effective. But don’t wait for your clients to start dropping off the face of the earth; instead, consider these 5 signs that you could be a better coach.
How to Know When Your Coaching Needs to Improve
1. People aren’t knocking at your door.
If you are functioning well as a coach and helping those you serve, word will spread. People you have coached will start sending others your way because they know how helpful you can be. The influence you have will be expanding because of the quality of what you’re offering. If you’re not experiencing those word-of-mouth referrals, it’s time to assess how well you’re really functioning as a coach.
2. You don’t ask for specific feedback.
If you don’t regularly receive specific feedback from clients, you aren’t getting the constructive critique you need to grow. Most coaches are afraid to ask for feedback about how they can be. Those who do ask are the ones who keep improving. Even for those who are good at reading the room, no one really knows how clients are actually experiencing them. To really find out, you’ll need to ask–and you’ll need to ask for specifics. A general, “How’s everything going?” is unlikely to yield anything constructive. Don’t let insecurity prevent you from continuing to grow as a coach.
3. You’ve stopped checking your mirrors.
If you think you don’t have blind spots, you will eventually crash. Thinking you already know it all or you have nothing left to learn is the classic trap of overconfidence. Even if you’re at the top of your game, there is room to grow and sharpen your skills. In fact, coaches who are prideful often receive the most negative feedback from those they have coached. Be sure you’re not thinking more highly of yourself than you ought (Romans 12:3). Overconfidence leads directly to complacency…and then to lower and lower performance levels.
4. The thrill is gone.
Sometimes when we’ve been doing the same thing for a long time, we experience a drop in our level of excitement or our enthusiasm plateaus. If you’re not looking forward to your coaching sessions or they begin to feel burdensome, it’s an important indicator that you’re going through the motions and need to find a way to effectively fill your tank.
5. You don’t have time to grow.
If you haven’t participated in intentional growth training of some kind in the last 18 months, you may not be prioritizing your coaching. Practitioners in almost all fields are required to engage in ongoing training–and for good reasons. Working with people has profound implications, and when you try to improve and learn by yourself, it doesn’t have the same effect as doing it with others. It requires humility and intentionality to keep stretching and growing.
Feeling uncomfortable?
If one or more of these signs have hit home, it’s time to renew your commitment to grow as a coach.
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Robert E Logan and Gary Reinecke Christian Coaching Tools Co-Founders.
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by Gary Reinecke | Aug 8, 2022 | Uncategorized |
What do you do when your plans are stymied?
Even the best of leaders will discover their limitations when circumstances are challenging. I’m not talking about when the thrill has waned or when you lack motivation; I’m referring to the times when you are working hard but not getting the results you’re envisioning.
How you navigate those seasons in your life and work is a testament to the way you lead yourself.
The English Premiership (top soccer league) launched the start of the new season this weekend. The best of the best know how to grind out a result, even when things are not going favorably–or at least they can figure out how not to lose, walking away with a tie. While not ideal, a tie earns 1 point for a tie versus 0 points for a loss and 3 points for a win. Last year, Liverpool came in second by the slimmest of margins to Manchester City – they had one less point over the course of the season.
Have you ever gone through a tough set of circumstances when things out of your control went sideways? Did you feel your world caving in or everything going against you? Did you find yourself struggling to enjoy life?
As I’ve moved through these seasons (and helped others do the same), I have discovered four important aspects of self-leadership. Focusing on these during times of crisis can help recalibrate us and can help us move more purposefully through challenging circumstances.
4 signs of self-leadership
- Remember your purpose (Why)
- Be clear on the end game (Win)
- Embrace the responsibility of leadership (What)
- Surround yourself with people that care for you (Who)
Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1904-1945) was a model of someone who led well. He understood his purpose. He was clear on the win. He embraced his leadership role. He surrounded himself with people who cared about him and with the things he cared for: establishing the Kingdom of God and the fall of the Third Reich!
Few people have had such an impact on the world as Bonhoeffer. It was his ability to stay calm and resolved in the midst of a life that was disrupted by arrest and imprisonment in concentration camps–and eventual execution–that inspired his fellow prisoners. His writings on discipleship, community, and ethics are classics. His views were tested in real-life circumstances not in an academic institution.
He had this to say about the church:
“The restoration of the church must surely depend on a new kind of monasticism, which has nothing in common with the old but a life of uncompromising discipleship, following Christ according to the Sermon on the Mount. I believe the time has come to gather people together to do this.”
His was a radical call to discipleship.
Here are three questions you can use for your reflection (or to help others) when confronted with challenging circumstances:
- What is the worst-case scenario?
- What are the most critical things I/you need to do in this situation for success?
- Who can I/you lean on during this time?
How can these questions guide you when you find yourself in need of grinding out a result?
Photo by Ümit Bulut on Unsplash
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by Gary Reinecke | Jul 31, 2022 | Uncategorized |
In our society we tend to think of a busy schedule as a badge of honor, rushing from one activity or event to the next. We work long hours. We have family obligations. There is an ever-growing list of chores and errands in the back of our minds. We see busyness as productivity but in reality, it does more harm than good. As coaches, we can see when a client is struggling with busyness and can plant a seed for necessary rest.
I recently returned from a four-week holiday (mini-sabbatical) in Melbourne, Australia to spend time with my family and friends. If you don’t know, I am married to Gina, an Aussie; her parents and extended family live “down-under”. It was an amazing time! We took a couple of overnight trips, went to the Broadway production of Hamilton and enjoyed some needed down time. I came back with a greater appreciation for the necessity to periodically, completely unplug from everything possible connected to work and ministry. This allowed my soul and mind to sabbath.
The Need for Rest
If you need proof that we all feel busy and are in need of rest, conduct this experiment: ask ten people how they are doing and just keep track of the responses. How many times out of 10 do you estimate you will receive an answer involving their crazy day or week? 60%? 70%? Most of the time, the answer I get sounds something like this: “I’m so busy – but everything is good.” I would estimate that I hear that response at least 90% of the time.
Self Reflection Questions:
- How would you answer that question: “How are you doing?”
- Did you respond with some form of the answer above?
- What is keeping you up late at night or waking you up in the middle of the night?
How did we get here?
But why are we so busy? Are we taking the time we need to rest, reflect and enjoy the present? Most of us push ourselves harder than we should; we say yes to too many things, we overstretch our time and energy. I put together this list of potential reasons we stretch ourselves beyond our capacity:
- Unaware of our limitations
- Addiction to busyness
- Unwillingness to stop
- Stress
- Faithlessness
This final reason might require some explanation. Faithlessness is something that I struggle with. I like to keep my world under my control – or at least live with the illusion that I have control. When I am at my best, I sleep well. When I try to make things happen in my own strength, anxiety wakes me up in the middle of the night, worrying me about things that are out of my control. What it really comes down to is that I am not trusting the Lord. I’m relying on my own ability to get things done and not resting in the fact that the Lord is active in my life.
Where there is trust, there is rest
Exodus 14:14 states, “The Lord will fight for you: you need only to be still.”
Here is the context for the verse:
But Moses told the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the LORD’s salvation, which He will accomplish for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
You might be reading this today and need to hear these words. However, being told or encouraged to rest is one thing; internalizing the need for a break and taking action is quite another. I encourage you to take some time every day this week to rest.
Try both Passive and Active Rest:
Passive Rest includes:
- Power naps: 6-20 minutes in length
- REM naps: 90-plus minutes.
Active Rest includes:
- Physically: deep breathing, stretching
- Meantally: meditate, gratitude, listen to soothing music
- Socially: family, friends
- Spiritually: prayer
Dr. A’s Habits of Health (pgs. 407-408) by Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen
One habit I have found helpful in putting my mind at ease is physical activity. When I combine physical activity with meditation, my soul is fed and my body processes the stress that has built-up. An activity I’ve engaged in over the years is Holy Yoga. Did I lose you? Actually, my wife Gina is a certified instructor and has a platform that provides guided meditation throughout the practice. This has been life-giving during Covid. I look forward to my early morning practice on the back patio with the hillside as my backdrop. It gives me a chance to settle my heart and mind, focus on movement and meditate on the Lord’s goodness. It makes my devotional time in the morning more interesting than simply sitting and taking in scripture – it allows me to knead the Word into my soul.
5 Tips to Make Rest a Priority
- Commit to 7.5-9 hours of sleep per night
- Begin to wind-down about 30 minutes before going to bed
- Take a health assessment with a health coach
- Turn off all devices 1-3 hours before going to bed
- Ask your spouse to support you or get on the same time schedule if possible
Coaching for Rest
It is one thing to tell a person that they need to get rest – it is quite another to help them discover it for themselves. Here are 7 coaching questions to help guide a person through their physical health journey:
- Describe “why” it is important for you to focus on getting adequate rest.
- How is your “why” compelling?
- What does success in your rest look like?
- Identify your greatest challenges?
- What changes do you need to make to reach your goal?
- Who do you know that can help you on your journey?
- What is one simple thing you can do that will help you get started?
The 4th Commandment
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.”
What does the 4th Commandment teach you about work?
I finish with this response to the question above, taken from The Anglican Catechism:
“My work is a gift of God that can grant me provision and satisfaction, and serve the common good, but neither defines my life nor rules over it.”
Who or what defines you?
Photo by Spencer Selover from Pexels
Photo by Jackson Jorvan from Pexels
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 24, 2022 | Uncategorized |
One of the things I’ve observed over the last 30+ years is that there are many ways to make disciples.
You are limited only by your imagination. From organic to highly programmatic, new approaches are being developed as you read this blog.
I am focusing on the absolute minimum support a discipler or disciple maker requires to make disciples. Specifically if the discipler has adopted a coach approach because the people the disciple coach is engaging with have aborted absolute Truth, are highly individualistic and secular. Because of this dynamic the disciple coach must help the people they engage with discover Truth for themselves. The disciple coach does this through listening and asking questions. It is not a one size fits all approach. Over the previous four weeks, I have been addressing the bare essentials a disciple coach needs to sustain their ministry–I call these essentials the habits of a disciple coach.
Here are the first four habits of a disciple coach:
- Missional Values
- Active Prayer
- Relational Connections
- Disciple Making Cycle
The fifth and final habit is Strategic Partnerships.
Partnerships that support disciple-making relationships are multifaceted and help keep the disciple coach on mission:
- Partnership with God
- Partnership with those the disciple coach has engaged with on their spiritual journey
- Partnerships with trusted mentors
It would be easy to focus on any of these to the exclusion of the other two, or to focus on two and exclude the third. in the best case scenario, all three would be exercised at the same time. While that is optimal, it can be difficult to prioritize all three simultaneously.
Here is a simple example:
As a disciple coach, you and I are doing life in the community of a small group of other disciple coaches who are on mission loving God, loving their neighbors, and making disciples. Partnerships within the group encourage and support the three values. When a disciple takes the next step on their spiritual journey to find and follow Jesus, it is celebrated! This might take the form of an act of service, a generous gift of one’s resources, or taking a step of faith to pray for the very first time. Whatever it is, the group synergistically supports the work of the disciple coach.
The other Strategic Partnerships the disciple coach nurtures is with not-yet Christians. Right now, at the tail end of a global pandemic, developing new relationships can be complicated. Creative ideas are necessary. A church planter that I work with has launched a virtual “Youth Alpha”. This has provided an opportunity to form small pods of young people to emerge where redemptive relationships are being formed. that will growth as the church transitions to in-person gatherings. The youth Alpha not only sustained the plant but grew the church to the point now the plan is well on its way to reaching the vision to launch 5 missional communities. Whatever the needs, the Lord instills creative ideas in the minds and hearts of disciple coaches – even during the most challenging times.
This completes the list of the five habits of a disciple coach! I wonder if you have some thoughts of what else a disciple coach needs to support the work of making disciples. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
Photo by Savvas Stavrinos from Pexels
