You heard it here… coaching is not always the best approach. There are times when, as a coach, you will need to switch hats in order to meet the needs of your clients. Let’s dive into the when and how.
When you have a problem with your car, you need a mechanic to diagnose and fix it. If you slice your finger, you need a doctor. When you need a ride to the airport, you call an Uber. Different needs require certain expertise.
The 5 Hats You’ll Wear as a Coach The table below was shared by my friend Micah Dodson of www.thrivechurchplanting.org. I personally found the descriptions of each role helpful to distinguish one from the other. These roles can easily blur into each other, especially if you have a background in teaching, counseling or mentoring and are now adding coaching into your toolkit. A key point to being a new coach is to learn to be clear in your mind when you are functioning in a particular role, or it will confuse and potentially frustrate those you are attempting to help.
Each role has a specific function. Here are the functions along with the scripture reference. Look below and contemplate which ones you resonate with:
Counselor
Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. / Proverbs 13:20
Advisor
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. / Proverbs 13:20
Teacher
He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. / Colossians 1:28
Mentor
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ. / I Corinthians 11:1
Coach
The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. / Proverbs 20:5
*All scripture passages from NIV
You Can Over-Coach
A classic problem I faced parenting my kids, I over-coached them. This surfaced when they were home as young adults during COVID. I was using questions to help them challenge them to “do something”. My approach was making them suspicious of my intent. I was using key questions to help them come around and do something I wanted them to do, in the way I wanted them to do it. Manipulation is not the intent of coaching. But that is how it came across. Fortunately, my family pointed this out and I became more aware of what I was doing.
This raises a few important questions that arise when I am training leaders in coaching:
Is coaching always the best approach?
What cues should we look for to determine when to use another approach?
How to make the shift from one approach to another without confusing clients?
Is coaching always the best approach?
No, but I’ve found the more we can use a coach approach, the better. Realistically, you can blend coaching into each of the other four roles above. I view coaching on a continuum. One end of the continuum is Directive and the other end, Non-directive. The more Non-directive approach, the more likely we can help people discover for themselves. The goal is for the client to feel empowered to take action.
Of course, when you play that out in each role, it becomes obvious when you need to stop asking questions. You need to learn to be aware of what the client needs at the moment! For example, if I take a bad fall on my mountain bike, I need to go to the ER. The only question I want to ask is – “Which way to the hospital?”
What cues should we look for to determine when to use another approach?
The simple answer is when it stops working; like in my example with my kids. At the peak of frustration, they gave me explicit feedback: “Just tell us what you want us to do!” Below are some ques to look for when coaching so it doesn’t go this far:
Frustration – you are agitating your client more than helping
Silence – this can be a sign that your client really does not know what to do
Lack of follow-through; the client in not engaged
How to make the shift from one approach to another without confusing clients?
I’ve found that being clear with what role you are playing is respectful to the client – and critical for you. When it is murky in your mind personally, it can be confusing or frustrating for the client. For example, when a client comes to you for advice and you are operating as a coach, then you are going to approach the conversation differently than your client.
For example, let’s assume you have been serving a client as a coach but you also have the capacity to switch into counselor mode. When you make the switch it is helpful to signal your client about the switch. This can be simply saying something like, “I’m taking off my coaching hat and now putting on my counselor hat.”
This will have several benefits. First, it will reinforce the shift you are making. Second, it will communicate a shift in the tone of the conversation. Third, it has the potential to accelerate the conversation. The caution here is, only switch when it’s absolutely essential for the client to move forward.
When the Hat Isn’t Your Size
I’ve found that, to some degree, most coaches can navigate through these 5 roles. That doesn’t mean that everyone is excellent at all 5. The key is to know when your client’s needs surpass the help that you can give them.
Assessing your roles
What reflections do you have from the table above?
Of the 5 passages, which one resonates with you most?
As you reflect on the 5 roles above, which ones do you naturally gravitate to?
When you are in coach mode, what other roles do you tend to lean towards?
What can you do to stay in a coach mode when you’re in the role you typically operate?
You might greet a buddy with a “What’s happening?” But is this an appropriate way for your staff to interact with their supervisor on your church staff?
What is at play here?
Have you noticed a shift in how employees interact over the last 3-5 years? Respect is a really important quality in the workplace, but sometimes the culture of a church staff is so informal it can slide into that gray zone where everyone is subtly functioning as though they are all operating at the same level of influence. An intern should not be viewing their influence as a peer with the Executive or Lead Pastor. Why is that so important?
Reasons why demonstrating respect is important:
Demonstrates honor in a relationship
Reinforces values that strengthens team culture
People feel safe when they understand their role, responsibilities and boundaries
What happens when relationships are not handled carefully?
Sloppy boundaries lead to sloppy work! The casual nature of a relationship might be misinterpreted and reflected in an employee’s work ethic and quality of work.
How did we arrive at this point?
To some degree, this falls along generational lines. Cultural influences like entertainment, politics and social media – to name a few – have influenced the way we interact in different spaces. The disruption of the last three years also has much to do with our informalities – specifically social isolation. People have spent so much time on screens versus real, genuine, face-to-face interactions, communicating in meaningful conversation, allowing for reading of social cues, discerning nuanced inflections, body posture, and observing and following cultural norms.
But I think it might go deeper than this…
“Look him/her in the eyes!”
Some skills I learned in the home that I grew-up in, when greeting people, included:
Look the person in the eyes when greeting someone
Offer a firm handshake
Speak clearly and loud enough to be heard
Make the conversation about the other person
Smile
Are these basic skills taught in the homes in which our young people are being raised? It might require some back-filling on your part, in addition to relevant orientation and training to shape or reinforce the culture you envision for your team – it is really up to you!
What do you want the culture of your team to look like?
Team norms (normalized behavior) are important to help people understand the expectations of being part of a team. Here is an example of a list of team norms (values + distinctives + standards of leadership) of a one-year-old team that I have been a part of at the Refinery Church – CLICK HERE. Every Sunday morning as we gather to review and prepare for the service with approximately 30 volunteers, one person is asked to review 2-3 of the norms and select one to go a bit deeper. This has genuinely reinforced and normalized behaviors we expect from each other.
Reflection Questions to land on you team norms:
What is important to us?
What can we keep people accountable to?
How will they be upheld?
What are the consequences when a norm has been ignored or broken?
Are these actual or preferred norms?
Following are resources to help you understand the distinctives of the various generations!
The season of fall is a big focus for all churches. It sets the tone for the rest of the year. It’s a time to set vision, make clear goals, find a rhythm, and invigorate the community. It is often one of the busiest times of the year, and without careful planning it can lead to burnout.
Burnout affects almost everyone in a leadership position at some point, often at multiple times during their ministry career. Many hard workers tend to shrug it off and attempt to push through periods of high stress, anxiety, and little rest. However, burnout can have serious ramifications. Prolonged stress and exhaustion can take a toll on your body, mind, and emotions. You are more prone to mistakes in your work and may judge yourself (and others) harshly. You can drive yourself to serious illness. Burnout will also eventually trickle into your personal life, affecting your relationships, sometimes even causing lasting damage.
What you can do to prevent burnout:
In Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he suggests prioritizing what is important and unimportant, urgent and not urgent using four quadrants.
Quadrant I. Urgent and important: Important deadlines and crises (Must do immediately)
Quadrant II. Not urgent but important – Long-term goals and plans (Prioritize next)
Quadrant III. Urgent but not important – Distractions with deadlines (Delegate or push back)
Quadrant IV. Not urgent and not important – Distractions (Eliminate from to-do list)
While Quadrant I is full of deadlines and crises that must be dealt with immediately, most of our time should be focused on Quadrant II. This is the quadrant that looks to the future, prevents crises, and organizes what must be done. If enough attention is paid to Quadrant II, then crises (such as burnout) will become less common. As the old idiom reminds us, “The best defense is a good offense.”
Here are some tips for keeping your focus in Quadrant II:
Keep clear boundaries
Have clear communication between staff
Take a weekly sabbath to rest and make time for activities that bring joy
Take care of physical health (eat well, sleep as needed, exercise)
Take care of emotional/mental health (check in on relationships and check in with self)
Prioritize urgent and important activities and let go what can be let go
Ask for help instead of taking on too much
Reflection questions to help you avoid burnout:
Which Quadrant(s) are you in right now?
What triggers do you need to be aware of that suggest you are reaching your limit?
What practices do you need to maintain to stay in a healthy space?
What new practices do you need to adopt?
What habits do you need to break?
How will you free up time and energy to focus on new initiatives?
Who are the key people to remind you to keep healthy margins?
See our Time Management Resources to leverage your most precious resource – time. See below:
Summer is almost over and for churches across the country, this means it’s time to kick things into gear! Fall is a natural time for a reboot within your church as over the summer people have been busy with traveling and summer activities. They may have missed services or felt out of touch with their church community and disengaged from their spiritual development. As fall rolls around, your leaders are ready to fall back into a routine. The last two blogs we discussed relational and spiritual reboots, but what does a leadership reboot look like?
Engaging Your Leaders
Do you have enough leaders to launch small groups, classes, youth ministries, etc.?
Has your volunteer pool dropped over the summer?
How are you encouraging your leaders to re-engage?
Create a Leadership Community
You may already have a gathering of leaders that meet regularly or you may have a group you have worked with in the past that has taken a break over summer. Right now is a great time to regroup and bring them together to cast vision for the fall. During these meetings, a great way to inspire and engage leaders is to carefully prepare and plan for a Leadership Community. There are three elements of an impactful Leadership Community that can be explained using the acrostic VHS:
VISION: Gather all your leaders together and share the larger vision and goals of your church for the near future. Lead off this portion of the Leadership Community with a time of worship to connect with God and set the tone – listening to God. Remind everyone the work that needs to be done and why it matters.
HUDDLE: Provide a meal and enjoy each other. Break down into smaller ministry teams to allow people to connect, care for each other, and pray together. This allows personal relationships to flourish.
SKILL: Spend time training your leaders in a new skill that will relate to everyone regardless of their context, like asking powerful questions. It does not need to be in depth or last too long. Make it doable and meaningful.
Engage Your Staff
It is important to have a clear plan for the fall. Everyone on staff needs to understand the vision, know what will be the focus and the goal of the upcoming season and what their role will be in completing the goal(s). Use this opportunity to make certain everyone is pulling in the same direction. For example, it’s a good idea to meet with the entire staff at least once a quarter and to use this time to identify an area of focus with a goal behind each area, allowing that trickle down into the rest of the church.
Coaching Tip:
Challenge those leaders you coach to start and build gradually. One simple goal at the beginning will prove the value of a singular focus once real progress has been made. Once you have a successful experience, build on that and add a second goal, and a third when you are really building momentum, and perhaps a fourth after that. Beyond 3-4 goals, you risk becoming too scattered as a team and losing momentum.
A few points to keep in mind:
Take into consideration the ramp-up time for your staff staff to recruit, train and mobilize volunteers.
Establish coaching rhythms with staff (groups and individuals).
Incorporate regular opportunities to celebrate “wins”.
Practical Questions a leader could ask to reboot their team members:
When was the last time you met with your leaders to celebrate progress toward their goals?
What are the urgent areas that you need to address leading up to the fall within your leadership?
What is the best way to empower your specific leaders?
What can you do between now and the fall so that you launch strong?
Who are the most critical people you need to empower before the fall?
Who are the leaders you need to care for the most? (Who is out of the loop or struggling?
How can you celebrate the work that has been done and launch the leaders for the fall?
See our Leadership Coaching Resources to develop the leaders around you below:
It’s a full season of life for so many of us. Between work, vacations and frequent social gatherings, it’s common to feel less connected to God when our schedules are full. However, once life slows down and you find yourself back in your usual routines, it is easier to discover your spiritual rhythm as well. The more grace we can offer ourselves, the more we may find greater peace and joy when we come to the Lord.
How do you help your community reconnect to God?
3 Spaces help your people reboot their connection with God
Personal – time alone with God
Group – time together in a group
Crowd – one of many
Are all three spaces necessary all the time?
Not necessarily. In fact, there are seasons when you might do well to hit on one of these while the other two are non-existent. In the best of times, however, people need at least two of the three and in the worst of times – all three.
Rebooting the Church’s Corporate Spirituality
You are constantly thinking of ways to support and cultivate the spiritual growth within your congregation. Here are three ways to nurture the corporate gathering.
Engaging sermons that transform.
Inspiring worship that fosters connection with a loving Father.
Powerful prayer to seek the Spirit’s guidance, receive forgiveness and healing.
Rebooting Small Groups for Spiritual growth & nurture
If you drew a continuum for small group models – with a Bible Study on one end and on the other end a fellowship group – you would find that most all groups have some aspect of the following Love-Learn-Decide-Do.
Love – grow in love for God and your neighbor through the Holy Spirit
Learn – grow in your ability to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit
Decide – grow in your faith by making a commitment to apply what you learn
Do – grow in your obedience
Rebooting Your Personal Relationship with God
An individual’s relationship with God is the cornerstone of their spirituality. Without this, a person is simply going through the motions, likely with a feeling of obligation and guilt but without the love and trust that comes from a deep connection. There are two things you can do to reboot your connection with God: encourage those around you to nurture this connection, and secondly, nurture your own relationship with God.
Here are four ways to reboot your personal relationship with God:
Make time for God
You may want to spend meaningful time with God everyday, but this rarely happens naturally. Though it may feel forced at first, most people have to intentionally block out time for their spiritual formation. Whether it is three mornings a week, or thirty minutes before bed every evening… make sure you are setting aside specific time for God.
Make space for God
Some people feel closer to God outdoors. Some prefer a quiet room. Some want some gentle music. However you like to spend the time, make sure you have a place where you can focus without distractions.
Make a plan
To use this time well, most people prefer to have some sort of guide. It could be a book that directs you to daily readings and provides thought-provoking questions, or a faith based Bible reading app (Bible in One Year, You BIble, to name a few).
Make a friend
Find a person who is on the same journey as you (either in the same place or a step ahead). This can help you stay accountable and offers you both a confidante to share the joys and hardships of life and faith.
Do you want to take your team on the disciple-making journey together? The Discipleship Collective helps you mobilize other disciple makers. Take the Disciple Maker Quiz to discover the habits in which you are excelling and the growth points on which you need to focus. Then invite other members of your team to join you. It’s FREE and you can use it as often as you like!
Fall is around the corner and with that comes a natural desire to revamp and reboot! How can you help your people get back into the rhythm of things? This usually begins with thinking about how to help people reconnect relationally after the summer.
Summer is a disruptive season for most congregations – people travel, families are in and out of town, others are simply too busy with work and the extra social events that the summer invites. In the midst of the fun, a person’s church participation and spiritual community can often suffer. Church attendance nearly always goes down in the summertime, small groups take a break, and events slow down. But it all picks back up in the fall!
Many churches are still recovering their numbers from the pandemic as people slowly make their way back to church. All this time away from the church can cause a person to question their place in the community. So how can you help people re-engage relationally? What do people need? What are they looking for from your church community?
People who want to re-engage with their church community are looking to discover the place where they belong and feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves. If they have children, they want to get their kids involved in some kind of Christian education. People are searching for meaningful ways to use their gifts and passions for the Kingdom of God through their church community.
Relaunch your church community and help people get off to a fresh start.
Events are a good way to get everyone together:
Movies in the park
Sports
Sharing meals together
This is a casual way to allow everyone to reconnect with friends and get to know visitors or other congregation members they haven’t spent much time with.
Small groups
Launch a small-group campaign: post important dates on the church calendar.
Make small groups visible – post with details about each group
Make small groups accessible – create an easy sign-up system
*Do the same for family ministries including children, youth, young adult, etc.
Service opportunities
Invite church members to take a spiritual gift assessment by appointment.
Communicate various ways to serve inside and outside the walls of the church.
Help people discover what they are passionate about and the best fit for them within the Body.
Your church will do things YOUR way. The size and environment of your church will change how you reach out, and what kind of services you offer.
3 important steps to engage your congregation:
Map out the process to involve people
Clearly communicate the vision
Make the sign up and onboarding process easy
Create a very healthy culture in all your teams and ministries so that people have an amazing experience
Share stories of how people’s lives are changed to the congregation
MOST IMPORTANT: Make sure that the people representing these events, ministries and groups are warm, welcoming and helpful!
How are YOU fostering new rhythms and relationships this fall? Share with us in the comment section!
Do you want to take your team on the disciple-making journey together? The Discipleship Collective helps you mobilize other disciple makers. Take the Disciple Maker Quiz to discover the habits in which you are excelling and the growth points on which you need to focus. Then invite other members of your team to join you. It’s FREE and you can use it as often as you like!
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