by Gary Reinecke | Jul 24, 2022 | Uncategorized |
One of the things I’ve observed over the last 30+ years is that there are many ways to make disciples.
You are limited only by your imagination. From organic to highly programmatic, new approaches are being developed as you read this blog.
I am focusing on the absolute minimum support a discipler or disciple maker requires to make disciples. Specifically if the discipler has adopted a coach approach because the people the disciple coach is engaging with have aborted absolute Truth, are highly individualistic and secular. Because of this dynamic the disciple coach must help the people they engage with discover Truth for themselves. The disciple coach does this through listening and asking questions. It is not a one size fits all approach. Over the previous four weeks, I have been addressing the bare essentials a disciple coach needs to sustain their ministry–I call these essentials the habits of a disciple coach.
Here are the first four habits of a disciple coach:
- Missional Values
- Active Prayer
- Relational Connections
- Disciple Making Cycle
The fifth and final habit is Strategic Partnerships.
Partnerships that support disciple-making relationships are multifaceted and help keep the disciple coach on mission:
- Partnership with God
- Partnership with those the disciple coach has engaged with on their spiritual journey
- Partnerships with trusted mentors
It would be easy to focus on any of these to the exclusion of the other two, or to focus on two and exclude the third. in the best case scenario, all three would be exercised at the same time. While that is optimal, it can be difficult to prioritize all three simultaneously.
Here is a simple example:
As a disciple coach, you and I are doing life in the community of a small group of other disciple coaches who are on mission loving God, loving their neighbors, and making disciples. Partnerships within the group encourage and support the three values. When a disciple takes the next step on their spiritual journey to find and follow Jesus, it is celebrated! This might take the form of an act of service, a generous gift of one’s resources, or taking a step of faith to pray for the very first time. Whatever it is, the group synergistically supports the work of the disciple coach.
The other Strategic Partnerships the disciple coach nurtures is with not-yet Christians. Right now, at the tail end of a global pandemic, developing new relationships can be complicated. Creative ideas are necessary. A church planter that I work with has launched a virtual “Youth Alpha”. This has provided an opportunity to form small pods of young people to emerge where redemptive relationships are being formed. that will growth as the church transitions to in-person gatherings. The youth Alpha not only sustained the plant but grew the church to the point now the plan is well on its way to reaching the vision to launch 5 missional communities. Whatever the needs, the Lord instills creative ideas in the minds and hearts of disciple coaches – even during the most challenging times.
This completes the list of the five habits of a disciple coach! I wonder if you have some thoughts of what else a disciple coach needs to support the work of making disciples. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
Photo by Savvas Stavrinos from Pexels
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 17, 2022 | Uncategorized |
“In order to develop a framework, it is necessary to be clear about what you are trying to accomplish; what are the identifiable traits of loving God, loving others and making disciples? You need to start with the big picture.”
As You Go…Make Disciples by Colin Noyes
In March 2020, we launched our first Leadership Collective. The Leadership Collective facilitates a learning community of up to 15 church planters, pastors, and network leaders to assess and strengthen their leadership pipelines, beginning with the newest disciples of Jesus. After the two-day, in person event, the state of CA shut down! Little did we know then that the shutdown would last as long as it did.
What did we learn about disciple making through the Leadership Collective during the pandemic?
- The mission will always trump religion!
- The Gospel will thrive during times of adversity!
- The process of making disciples must be reproducible!
Let me briefly unpack each of these points:
The mission will always trump religion!
Sadly, Barna reported that 1 in 3 practicing Christians stopped attending church during the pandemic (July 2020). What does this statistic suggest? I’m not a statistician, but I believe that the last two years have done some necessary sifting. And, well, the results speak for themselves.
- Church leaders that were making disciples before the pandemic were able to bear down on the mission.
- Church leaders that weren’t making disciples were reminded what the mission is and made a quick pivot.
The Gospel will thrive during times of adversity!
You might be wondering what thriving looks like? Thriving (in this scenario) is the manner in which followers of Jesus choose to respond to the circumstances surrounding the pandemic. Some chose to remain open, curious, and committed to learning. Others chose to be closed, judgmental, and unwilling to learn. Those who chose the former are thriving and those who chose the latter – not so much.
- Church leaders that had an intentional small group ministry with 80% or more of their adults in small groups survived, and some are thriving.
- Church leaders tested new platforms for virtual ministry to expand their reach.
- Church leaders that did not meet that threshold are playing catch up.
The process of making disciples must be reproducible
Leaders in the Leadership Collective were challenged to share their disciple-making cycle using a napkin, record their explanation, and enter the 3-minute video in a friendly competition. The idea was this: if you can illustrate your cycle on a napkin, it will probably be clear and simple enough to reproduce in other disciples.
This is what we discovered:
- Church leaders with a reproducible process put more and more energy into making disciples that make disciples.
- Church leaders that had a rough idea of their process further refined it to make it more transferable.
Where are you and your congregation?
Below are a couple of resources that might help you assess your disciple-making process, begin coaching disciples, and replicate that process with other disciple makers.
This article was originally published in July 2021. It has since been revised.
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 10, 2022 | Uncategorized |
One of the lessons Jesus lived in front of–and with–his disciples was the importance of relationships. Inside the band of disciples, the relationships were deeper. There was John, then Peter and James, and finally the other nine. Outside the band of disciples was a wide assortment of people Jesus was in relationship with, ranging from religious to non-religious people, many far from God. The lesson Jesus taught his disciples was to live in both worlds.
A couple of weeks ago I shared about understanding your personal Missional Values. Here’s what I mean by missional values:
- Missional = disciples making disciples into the 3rd & 4th generation
- Values = principles that drive missional behaviors
Simply put, Missional Values guide people who are making disciples into the 3rd & 4th generation.
This may seem so basic, but if followers of Jesus focused on Active Prayer (Habit #1) and Missional Values (Habit #2), we might see an upward tick in the caliber of disciples being made.
Now let’s take a look at two areas of focus in RELATIONAL CONNECTIONS:
- Relationships with non-Christians
- Relationships with Christians
It is challenging to live in the tension of developing relationships with people near to God (insiders) and with others who are far from God (outsiders). But this is the way Jesus lived and the way he trained his disciples to live. In my life, it’s easy to make excuses and end up not doing either one very well.
Research tells us that after a relatively short period of time (the most conservative estimate is 2 years, but some say 3-6 months is more accurate) new Christians lose contact with their non-Christian friends. My earliest memories of connecting with outsiders goes back to when I was in elementary school and I felt the compulsion to invite my neighbor to church. I did eventually give an invitation and I thought that was a major accomplishment. I also remember my mom hosting a VBS in our backyard (to my introverted self it felt like an intrusion on my privacy) forcing me to put my faith “out there”. My dad took a bold step and invited all 300+ employees from his plant to a holiday outreach event at our church called the Living Christmas Tree. Together, they led a vibrant ministry to singles and singles-again through our home church. There were fits and starts through my college years as I attempted to connect with outsiders.
In my estimation, the lineage of disciple making is more of a squiggly line than an upward trajectory. And, perhaps that is a good insight to capture here – disciple making is hard work, with little reward (at least in the here and now).
I honestly believe people like my mom and dad have an amazing lineage of people who are now celebrating with their Lord and Savior in heaven. You may be that kind of person. In this habit of relational connection, I want to encourage you to take an honest, inward look and see yourself as God created you. From there, take on the challenge of developing relationships with both insiders and outsiders, leading from your missional values and responding in active prayer. I’ve had the privilege of coaching many amazing leaders over 30+ years. So many of them have soul-crushing stories of how God has used them to empower others to connect with insiders and outsiders through starting and reproducing healthy churches.
You might be wired more like an introvert than an extrovert–I certainly am. That does not give us a pass on relationships. It does suggest that you will build different kinds of relationships than your extroverted friends. You may be an extrovert with an amazing ability to connect with people. But developing connections in and of itself is not the mission; making disciples is. Therefore, be certain that you have a path to help others follow you, as you follow Jesus.
Next week, I’ll be sharing about the Disciple-Making Cycle–the journey of making a disciple!
Find out what is keeping you from flourishing as a disciple maker using a coach approach and what is missing in the kind of support those you are coaching need on their discipleship journey.
DISCIPLE COACH QUIZ
Photo by Kate Kalvach on Unsplash
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 4, 2022 | Uncategorized |
One of the most vital and often overlooked elements of discipleship is prayer. Of course, as Christians, we know that prayer is important; its significance is repeated over and over in the Bible, by our pastors and our entire Christian community. But it can be so easy to fall into the pattern of passive prayer: that is, prayer that we do out of obligation or habit, without thinking or connecting.
For many of us, prayer happens at particular times of the day–before bed or dinner, or maybe first thing in the morning. Maybe you even carve out time intentionally every now and then. But even in your “intentional” time, it can begin to feel like a chore…just some words to recite before moving on with your day. We need to remember that prayer is our deepest and most personal way to connect to Jesus. It’s our lifeline to God and can be one of our strongest tools for making disciples, praying for them to come into our lives and trusting that God will send them our way.
If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, take it HERE!
Incredible things can happen when we turn passive prayer into active prayer–that is, prayer done with intention, with engagement and love for our Lord and for the people in our lives. I had a friend who had been intentionally building relationships with non-Christians, but there hadn’t been any fruit in quite a while. After a brief conversation with him he stopped and prayed for those he was in relationship with. That day one of the individuals called him out of the blue and wanted to meet to talk about this “Jesus thing”. It is easy to just slide these and other examples into the coincidence bucket, but the Bible shows us the power of prayer and its ability to change lives.
This next week, here are a few things you can pray for to jumpstart your intentional time with the Lord:
- Pray for yourself…that you can be who God needs you to be. That you will be blessed with a heart and mind for the lost that translates to compassion and action.
- Prayer for those God is leading your way. We can pray they are open to the touch of the Holy Spirit and responsive to our actions and words.
- Pray for two random people you encounter each day. Pray for God to fill them with wisdom and understanding: for the things of God. Pray that God uses you to love them, in whatever capacity he desires (from a prayer and a smile to becoming a friend). They may be a Christian, they may not, but they are all God’s children.
Find out what is keeping you from flourishing as a disciple maker using a coach approach and what is missing in the kind of support those you are coaching need on their discipleship journey.
Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash
by Gary Reinecke | Jun 26, 2022 | Uncategorized |
Missional Values ask the question: Why do you love God, love your neighbor and make disciples?
Have you ever been at work, or at church, or chatting with a friend and you realize that you just said or did something differently than you would do if you were someplace else? Maybe you realized that you truly value honest relationships in your personal life, but when you’re at work, you can’t seem to be able to share important truths about yourself. Maybe you are an incredibly invested parent, but you can’t seem to work up that enthusiasm in church. It can look a million different ways.
Our friend and partner on the Discipleship Guides and Quiz, Glenn Spyksma, shares his experience with incongruent values.
Glenn’s experience:
I went through this realization myself not too long ago. One of my values is “people development”, or wanting to see people become all that God intends for them to be. I felt like I was living this out at work but at church, I struggled to help people in this way. It wasn’t that things were different at work and church…my values were different. My values were in conflict with each other and I realized that I would find myself having to change my identity depending on the situation. This inspired me to really consider what my truest and deepest values were.
I began by looking back on my life and considering consistent themes (positive and negative). I thought about influential people in my life, circumstances that shaped me, events that encouraged new ways of thinking and behaving. Next, I identified lessons learned.
At work, my value of people development was played out through training classes, mentoring, coaching, and creating a freedom for upward mobility driven by personal accomplishment. But at church I struggled to find a way to help people. It was frustrating. I felt like I was able to live out my value of “people development” at work but not in my church. The incongruency was disorienting; I was being authentic to who God created me to be at work, but not at church. It wasn’t that things were different at work and church…my values were different. I was not being true to myself. Because my values were in conflict with each other, I would find myself having to change my identity depending on the situation. I wanted to discover my life values; my true and deepest values, and then align them with my behavior in everything I did. But where did I begin?
Self evaluation can be difficult. If you find yourself, like me, weighing what you truly value, start with your most important, clear behaviors. For me that came down to love God, love others, and make disciples.
Do you also feel the need to clarify your values? Follow in Glenn’s steps:
- Begin by looking back at your life to identify themes, influential people, circumstances that shaped you, or events that encouraged new ways of thinking and behaving.
- Identify lessons learned.
- Identify values that emerge from these lessons.
- Now take 5 minutes and go back through and reexamine what your values are. Modify your list as necessary.
- Create three columns by each of your values. Maybe start with the three you see as most important to you. At the top of each column write Church, Work, Home, Sports, or whatever three primary spaces you occupy. Begin to examine how you live out each value in the three areas. This is only for you, so be truthful!
Coaching questions to process with you client to clarify Missional Values:
- What did you observe?
- How can you change your behaviors to be consistent with your highest values in all areas of life?
- Tomorrow, as you go about your day, be especially mindful of your list of values…you might be surprised at how it inspires your day and makes you feel more at peace with yourself.
About Glenn: Glenn is a semi-retired Operations Executive formerly with The Wine Group. He has also worked with colleagues in the operations and engineering arena developing people and systems for large brands like Campbell Soup and Chef Boyardee among others. Glenn has always had one foot in the church and one foot in the marketplace. He is an avid church-goer and involved in church leadership.
Find out what is keeping you from flourishing as a disciple maker using a coach approach and what is missing in the kind of support those you are coaching need on their discipleship journey.
DISCIPLE COACH QUIZ
This article was first published in July 2021. It has since been revised.
Photo by S Migaj from Pexels:
by Gary Reinecke | Jun 20, 2022 | Uncategorized |
Can I coach my spouse?
Unless you are both oriented around the paradigm of coaching, I would not advise it. It can be helpful and powerful in those moments when you or your spouse would appreciate a non-judgemental, non-directive, indifferent voice in their life.
When to coach in your marriage:
- When both you and your spouse are aware of the need
- When you have been asked by your spouse OR when you’ve asked your spouse if they could benefit from and agree to be coached
- When the situation warrants it (e.g. conflict, decision-making or uncertainty, and the above criteria are understood)
My wife, Gina, is also a coach. She and I have learned to ask one another to be coached and for permission to coach the other. In our three decades of marriage, this has worked well for us. However, there are times when coaching in marriage is not advised.
When not to coach in your marriage:
- When you have an agenda to get across
- When you are angry or upset
- When the situation has reached an emotional peak
We have also found that preventive care will do wonders when we find ourselves in a heated conversation–or one that is delicious with nuance!
Early in our marriage we attended a communication workshop led by Dr. Dallas Demmit. He actually contributed to our coaching research and coined the term “Discovery Listening”. In that workshop, Dallas asked each couple to sit back-to-back. One spouse would share a situation while the other listened and summarized. Dallas sat off to the side with a clicker in his hand and made an obnoxious “click” each time I misinterpreted what Gina was saying. “Click” “click” ”click”! It was a painful, albeit helpful, exercise.
Listening and summarizing are two of the most important skills in coaching. If you listen well, and then summarize back to your spouse what you are hearing without putting your own interpretation on it, you’re halfway there. Yet, it’s surprisingly difficult.
First, let’s talk about listening. Listening means that you, as the coach, need to focus all your energy and attention on your spouse. No distractions, no mind wandering, no jumping to solutions. It means patiently and carefully listening without assuming you know where your spouse is coming from. It means asking follow-up questions to clarify and unpack what they are thinking. One of the most powerful questions you can ask is quite simple: “What else?” Keep asking that until your spouse runs out of things to say.
Then, summarize back what you are hearing to make sure you got it right. This is much harder than it sounds. It’s incredibly easy as a coach to subtly put your own interpretation on what you hear from your spouse or highlight what you may consider flaws in their thinking. At that point, you leave the role of coach and enter the role of expert or consultant. Summarizing becomes steering. Even very experienced coaches can fall into interpreting rather than simply reflecting what is being said.
Here are some exercises for growing in the skill of summarizing:
- Marriage provides fertile ground for practicing listening and summarizing. Ask your significant other or a close friend to share about a significant issue in your relationship while you just listen and summarize. After you summarize, ask, “Is that an accurate reflection of what you are saying?” A response that starts with, “Kind of,” or “Yes, but,” isn’t good enough. Likely, you’ll have to try it several times before the other person says, “Yes, that’s right. That’s what I am saying.”
- In your next conversation with your spouse, try using these phrases to summarize what you are hearing:
- So, what I hear you saying is…
- So, your experience has been…
- So, I gather that…
- What do you mean by…?
- Help your spouse create a metaphor for their situation or experience. For example, “Describe your challenge in terms of (weather, topography, traffic, a building, color, art, music, etc.).” One dentist described the need for pulling a baby tooth: “the adult teeth under the gums need to merge traffic from three lanes into two.” Ask your spouse to explain the metaphor and why they chose it.
- Help your spouse unpack. Unpacking is another listening tool you can use throughout a coaching conversation. Rather than stopping with what your spouse has said, try to take it a step further. Ask:
- What else?
- Say more about that.
- Help me understand that a bit more.
These are all helpful to exercises to build your listening and summarizing skills in marriage. One last note: make sure you and your spouse are both familiar with the coach approach before you launch into any of these exercises. In fact, over the years, we have been very clear when we’ve wanted the other person to simply listen. It is helpful to set some ground rules to frame the conversation so that both of you are on the same page (e.g. “I would appreciate it if you would listen for the next 15 minutes”).
What about you? How have you found coaching in your marriage to be helpful or challenging?
Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich from Pexels
