by Gary Reinecke | Sep 14, 2021 | Uncategorized |
The last few weeks we have been looking at five shifts to make that will help empower your teenager to become mature, healthy self-led adults. We have looked at Shift #1: Talker to Listener, Shift #2: Center to Side and Shift #3 – Causal Interaction to a Conversation with Purpose. As a reminder, I am not an expert in parenting. But I have learned a thing or two about coaching and helping people take action towards the direction God has designed for them in life and ministry. Also, these five shifts are not limited to parenting. They relate to working with teenagers in youth groups or wherever you’re connecting with people in meaningful ways to help them take the next step on their journey to follow Jesus’ mission for their life. Let me give a bit of background so you have some context.
Shift #4: Creator to Co-Creator
In our last post, I shared that my wife and I attempted to use a coach approach whenever we could while raising our kids. Starting very early, we did our best to listen and ask questions when the situation warranted it, as opposed to telling them what to do all the time. We wanted them to be able to process the world around them for themselves and make their own decisions… while providing guidance when necessary.
This led to some very interesting conversations during their teenage years. One of the most invigorating conversations we shared independently with both kids was the lingering question – “What are you doing upon graduation?” Of course, it was never so eloquent or overt; but part of the answer was that in the case of both kids, college was clearly their next step. At least we understood the vision. Getting down to the goals and action steps were more nuanced depending on which child we are discussing.
Our oldest was a bit more reluctant to enter the college application process. It took a bit more finesse to engage him in setting his goal and action necessary to apply. But apply it he did, and the rest is, well, very cool indeed.
Our youngest was very clear on her goal and how to get there. Not a lot of coaching was necessary until it came to the dreaded “loan tolerance” conversation. Needless to say, I did the heavy lifting running the numbers to reflect on the three options in consideration. She chose wisely. Made the choice that made the most strategic, financially responsible and practical sense.
Below is a simple framework of the things we did to help our teenagers co-create their agenda.
Mini-Shifts:
- Release the need to control the agenda
- Internally, align your agenda with the Holy Spirit’s agenda.
- Allow the other person to set an agenda
- Connect and allow the new disciple to reflect.
- Engage the other person to set the agenda
- Ask: “What do you want at the end that you don’t have now?”
Real – time Actions:
· Ask the your teenager to clarify their “win”.
Below are two opportunities that can help you refine your disciple-coach skills!
5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST
Cost: $250.00
The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:
Cost: $475.00
by Gary Reinecke | Aug 26, 2021 | Uncategorized |
We are fast approaching the Fall. Some parents are dreading the upcoming school year. Others are relieved. Not too long ago we were parenting our two high school age children through this exciting phase in their development. Today our children are in their early to mid-twenties and together, we have grown into new ways of communicating – both parents and young adults.
I will share five shifts we made when we encountered these dynamic years with our two children. Right off the top; I am not an expert in parenting. But I have learned a thing or two about coaching and helping people take action towards the direction God has designed for them in life and ministry. Second, these five shifts are not limited to parenting. They relate to working with teenagers in youth groups or wherever you’re connecting with people in meaningful ways to help them take the next step on their journey to follow Jesus’ mission for their life. I found that I had a multitude of examples of these shifts while empowering my teenagers to become self-led adults.
Shift #1 – Talker to Listener
One of the things we did very early with our kids was introduce the idea of internships. Whatever their interests were, we connected them with people we knew and respected in that particular field. We had both kids in summer internships by the time they entered high school. This was important for their development because it gave them a sense of responsibility, curiosity and confidence.
To learn about the kids’ interests, we had to be disciplined in our interactions. We forced ourselves not to react when we heard “surprising” developments about what they experienced at school that day with a classmate, or what a teacher said that might have been taken out of context or the latest slang terminology. Instead of reacting we responded with – “tell me more?” Sounds simple. And it is in theory. Try it next time you interact with your teenager.
Our eldest was interested in finance. His first internship was with a real estate broker. The broker saw that our son was a fast learner. By the end of that summer our son had processed the paper-work for a $1million loan (under the watchful eye of the broker). What did this do for our son? He discovered certain parts of the job he enjoyed, others he did not enjoy as much and still others that were necessary but not his passion.
Our youngest wanted to work in a pediatric physical therapy clinic. The children were on a spectrum of mild to severe disabilities. As a young teen, my daughter supported the work of the therapists, and interacted with the patients and parents. Similar to our son, she learned a number of lessons that she stored in her memory banks for her future schooling and career choices.
Bottom line! To get the kids to the place from the conception of an internship it began with a curiosity in the work, which progressed to an interest to the point of taking action. These steps were all necessary and important to enter into a work environment as an intern. Our part – listen to the processing they were going through in their heads until they came to a point of taking action.
Here is a simple framework that helps breakdown Shift #1 – Talker to Listener.
Assume a Listening Posture
Key Question: How can I ignore my tendency to share my wisdom and seek to listen?
Mini-Shifts:
- Take the posture of a learner
o A coach must believe that they don’t know it all.
o Stay in a quiet place while your son or daughter processes what they sense the Holy Spirit is saying to them.
o Actively remain in a non-anxious state
Real – time Actions:
o Without contaminating what your son or daughter is processing
- Ask the other person “Is there more?”
o No other question is needed at this time
Following are two opportunities that can help you refine your disciple-coach skills!
5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST
Cost: $250.00
The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:
Cost: $475.00
by Gary Reinecke | Aug 6, 2021 | Uncategorized |
In Jesus’ ministry, he always met people where they were on their journey towards the Lord. Look at the disciples; before He asked his disciples to follow Him, each disciple was at a different place in their lives and their faith… wherever they were, that is exactly where Jesus started discipling them. He began the discipleship process before they were even aware of it; in the harvest.
We all have our own story of how we came to follow Jesus, and we will have taken different paths to reach where we are today. All our journeys are unique to who God designed us to be; but there are certain critical elements that are always the same in the process; that is the discipleship cycle. We can see clearly that Jesus had a method in his mission to make disciples:
- STEP 1 – “I do – you watch.”
- STEP 2 – “You do – I watch.”
- STEP 3 – “You do – someone else watches.”
Jesus used this simple method to make disciples who made disciples. He understood that everything He did was reproduced in the lives of His disciples from the day he met them. Jesus’ mission was to catalyze disciple making movements through his disciples. He modeled the inner work of being a disciple and the outer work of making disciples. This cycle is the key to multiplying the Kingdom of God. It means we are making disciples that will make disciples, who will make more disciples.
Real-life Journey
My friend Glenn shared the following about his journey:
I have several friends that I consider to be accountability partners. They help me grow in my faith and hold myself to the standards that God would want of me. We spend a lot of our focus on discipleship and how to become better disciple coaches. As I became more aware of, and committed to, developing relationships with people who don’t yet have a spiritual connection with Christ, we were thrilled to see people growing in faith and being added to our discipleship group. It was exciting to see this progress, yet although this process was reproducible, our efforts were only additive. We shifted our approach to the framework of a “cycle” and are now seeing our efforts multiply. For example, one of our initial group members is branching out to start a Hispanic discipleship team, reaching a group of people that would be almost impossible for me to reach. It is exciting to see where the multiplication effect takes us next!
Reflection Questions:
- Who have you shared your disciple-making cycle with in the last 90 days?
- If you haven’t shared your disciple-making cycle recently, what is getting in the way?
- What changes do you need to make to your disciple-making cycle?
- How transferable is your discipleship cycle?
- Who have you discipled that is using your cycle with other disciple coaches?
- What elements need to be refined further or added to make your cycle more transferable?
If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.
Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 30, 2021 | Uncategorized |
Relational connections are really the foundation of discipleship. God created us as relational beings, we thrive when making connections, and are at our best when we feel supported and loved. A relationship between a disciple and their teacher can be a life-long and powerful connection, but it always just starts with simply getting to know each other. From the relationships we make, we can build true friendships and from friendships, discipleship can grow.
So let’s think about our friendships: When it comes to our Christian friends versus our non-Christian friends, it is easy to emphasize the importance of one over the other. What normally happens when a new Christian follows Jesus, is their relationships with “outsiders” begin to shrink while their relationships with “insiders” begins to expand. We only have a finite amount of time and it’s easiest to spend it with the people who already fit within our normal routines. When looking to disciple others, it seems natural and easy to draw from those who fit neatly into your life already. It’s all well and good to draw from your Christian community (we all need a mentor at certain points in our lives!) but where we really need to begin is outside of the walls of the church; with our friends who don’t fit so neatly into our lives. After all, we can’t share the good news with people who already know it!
If you realize that you have very few non-Christian friends, you can start with building meaningful relationships with people that God has already placed in your life. We should intentionally be looking to disciple people different from us; people who believe differently, and live different lifestyles. These connections build bridges, not just between yourself and your disciple, but between larger communities; plus we have more of a chance for growth within ourselves, than if we stick to what we know. As we begin to enter a less familiar world and build relationships with people who make choices we might not choose, who think in ways we don’t, we can fall into judgement very quickly. It is necessary to remember we all have our own path to Jesus. We’ve all struggled with doubt, we’ve all given into temptations. We are not there to judge. We are there to seek to understand. All healthy relationships are built on respect and authenticity. Building relationships is not a job or task; it’s just about letting God work through you in the natural relationships you already have.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Who are you intentionally forming discipleship relationships with in your life?
- Where in your life could you develop authentic relationships with not-yet Christians?
- What skills do you need to develop and apply to move your relationship or friendship forward to discipleship?
If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.
Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 16, 2021 | Uncategorized |
Missional Values ask the question: Why do you love God, love your neighbor and make disciples?
Have you ever been at work, or at church, or chatting with a friend and you realize that you just said or did something differently than you would do if you were someplace else? Maybe you realized that you truly value honest relationships in your personal life, but when you’re at work, you can’t seem to be able to share important truths about yourself. Maybe you are an incredibly invested parent, but you can’t seem to work up that enthusiasm in church. It can look a million different ways.
Our friend and partner on the Discipleship Guides and Quiz, Glenn Spyksma, shares his experience with incongruent values.
Glenn’s experience:
I went through this realization myself not too long ago. One of my values is “people development”, or wanting to see people become all that God intends for them to be. I felt like I was living this out at work but at church, I struggled to help people in this way. It wasn’t that things were different at work and church… my values were different. My values were in conflict with each other and I realized that I would find myself having to change my identity depending on the situation. This inspired me to really consider what my truest and deepest values were.
I began by looking back on my life and considering consistent themes (positive and negative). I thought about influential people in my life, circumstances that shaped me, events that encouraged new ways of thinking and behaving. Next, I identified lessons learned…
For example, one of my values is “people development”, or wanting to see people become all that God intends for them to be. At work, this was played out through training classes, mentoring, coaching, and creating a freedom for upward mobility driven by personal accomplishment. But at church I struggled to find a way to help people like I did at work. It was frustrating. I felt like I was able to live out my value of “people development” at work but not in my church. I was not living a life that was congruent. I was being authentic to who God created me to be at work, but not at church. It wasn’t that things were different at work and church… my values were different. I was not being true to myself. This caused incredible frustration because my values were in conflict with each other and I would find myself having to change my identity depending on the situation. I wanted to discover my life values; my true and deepest values, and then align them with my behavior in everything I did. But where did I begin? Self evaluation can be difficult. If you find yourself, like me, weighing what you truly value, start with your most important, clear behaviors. For me that came down to love God, love others and make disciples.
Do you also feel the need to clarify your values? Follow in Glenn’s steps:
- Begin by looking back at your life to identify themes, influential people, circumstances that shaped you, or events that encouraged new ways of thinking and behaving.
- Identify lessons learned.
- Identify values from these lessons
- Now take 5 minutes and go back through and reexamine if your values are things, you value or life values. Modify your list, as necessary.
- Create three columns by each of your values. Maybe start with the three you see as most important to you. This can be whatever you see as the main areas to examine your values in. At the top of a column write Church, Work, Home, Playing
Sports or whatever you see as three areas to examine your values in. Begin to examine how you live out each value in the three areas. This is only for you, so be truthful!
So what did you observe? How can you change your actions to be consistent with your highest values in all areas of life? Tomorrow, as you go about your day, be especially mindful of your new and improved list of values… you will be surprised at how it changes your day and makes you feel more at peace with yourself.
About Glenn: Glenn is a semi-retired Operations Executive formerly with The Wine Group. He has also worked with colleagues in the operations and engineering arena developing people and systems for large brands like Campbell Soup and Chef Boyardee among others. Glenn has always had one foot in the church and one foot in the marketplace. He is an avid church-goer and involved in church leadership.
If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, take it HERE!
Coaching Guides expand on the habits and are part of a follow-up Zoom call after you take the quiz.
Also coming up: a new webinar on 5 Disciple Coach Habits. It will take place Monday, September 13 from 10-3 PST. Get tickets HERE!
Look into our full webinar package with five triad sessions, following the webinar. Get tickets HERE!
by Gary Reinecke | Jul 9, 2021 | Disciplemaking, Uncategorized |
If there is one thing that we know at InFocus, it is that we are at our best when we collaborate with others to gain new insights. These last few months we have been hard at work as we launch our new disciple coach quiz and now that is finally available, we want to take this time to shine a light on our partners who helped us shape our approach to discipleship: Our primary vision for the quiz was to introduce a coach-approach to disciple making:
A disciple coach helps their newest disciples by listening and asking questions to help them discern the voice of the Holy Spirit so that they can take the next step in their discipling making journey.
Based on that vision, we asked the important question: What kind of support does a disciple need to make disciples using a coach approach? Both Colin and Glenn bring a unique perspective to disciple making.
Colin Noyes is a trainer, coach and consultant in Brisbane, Australia. He coaches in secular environments, working with business managers and executives, but he is also very involved in denominations and local churches in the Christian world. His focus is making more and better disciples, developing leaders and multiplying churches. Personally, being married to an Aussie and having spent considerable time in Melbourne, Australia; I’ve experienced the radical (meaning “going back to the root understanding of Jesus’s way of making disciples”) approach to disciple making that is necessary in a secular environment.
Colin and I have talked for years about the shifts in the culture and the implications on disciple making, and he truly was the foundation for our approach to discipleship; that discipleship starts in the harvest, not once you become a follower. He helped me to see this, reminding me that Jesus focused his time on engaging with those outside of the church. After hours of conversation, we tried to think of ways to shift the starting point when it comes to discipleship.
LEARN about the DISCIPLE COACH Quiz
Glenn Spyksma was the Operations Executive of the second largest wine distribution company in the world and has a background in engineering, working with many large brands. He has three decades in industry and now serves in a leadership role in the Central California region of the denomination of which his church is a member. Glenn strives to help individuals rise to their highest level, take educated risks, enjoy work and realize their self-worth. After Glenn participated in a coach training workshop I led for pastors and leaders in his region, he commented during a de-brief of a triad exercise he did with two other leaders that asking questions and listening to others in this manner – “was the most profound experience he had ever encountered”.
Glenn has always had one foot in the church and one foot in the marketplace. He is an avid church-goer and involved in church leadership. Glenn and I have spent a lot of time discussing the struggle of living in both the secular world and the Christian world and asking the question; what support do I need as a person who is making disciples? Eventually he came up with the five habits of good disciple makers, which became the catalyst for our disciple coach guide, and the basis for our coaching quiz.
Then there are the leaders who have been generous with their time to take the quiz and give us feedback. This helped us refine the questions and the coaching guides. Read their endorsements of the quiz at the bottom of the page- CLICK HERE.
We are so grateful for these people, without whom, the Disciple Coach Quiz couldn’t have been made. Their particular ensigns in both the Secular and religious world shaped the way we think about discipleship. Together, we want to bridge the gap between the insulated Christian world, to the rest of the world past the doors of our church… where discipleship really begins.
TAKE the DISCIPLE COACH Quiz
Gary Reinecke and his team have developed a really useful questionnaire which gives you an overall Disciple Coach Score as well as some improvement keys to help you grow in your commitment to His Mission.
Colin Noyes – Author DisciplingAsYouGo Blog, As You Go, Makes Disciples, Making Disciples in a Postmodern Era & Making Disciples Coaching Guide with Storyboard
