*As we continue through this Lent season, we will be posting our blogs on Wednesdays at 5:30am instead of Mondays at 5:30am. Monday posting will resume after Lent.
On this third week of Lent, as we journey through the stations of the cross, we’re focusing on Jesus encountering his mother as he carries the cross. The moment where Jesus’ path crosses his mother’s is one of the most evocative moments of the Easter story. We feel the pain on both sides. We feel Mary’s pain as she watches her son endure something so horrific, knowing he was about to die. No parent should have to watch their child suffer. We feel Jesus’ pain in seeing his mother–the one who comforted him as a boy, kissed his skinned knees and wiped his tears away–knowing there was nothing she could do to help him.
A concept I’m learning in my own spiritual work is indifference. For Ignatius, indifference (or detachment) was for the purpose of spiritual freedom. According to Meister Eckhart (1260-1328), detachment:
“…enkindles the heart, awakens the spirit, stimulates our longings, and shows uswhere God is.”
We can imagine what Jesus might have felt as he saw his mother. Did he wish he could stop and talk with her? Or that they could comfort each other for just a moment? He knew he had to put all his energy into the formidable task he had been sent to do. So instead, Jesus chose indifference. He had to.
Aside from Jesus, Mary probably knew better than anyone else what her son was meant to do. From the moment of the Annunciation, when Gabriel came to tell Mary she would bear the son of God, she knew Jesus had a special mission…and she knew it would require sacrifice. In Luke chapter 2, just after Jesus is born, the prophet Simeon shares his vision of Jesus’s future with Mary:
34 Then Simeon blessed them, and he said to Mary, the baby’s mother, “This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall, and many others to rise. He has been sent as a sign from God, but many will oppose him. 35 As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.”(Luke 2:34-35 (NLT))
The moment Jesus and Mary came face to face as Jesus carried His cross served as a parting of ways for the two of them. Both knew that God had a plan bigger than this pain, but they were also mother and son–deeply bonded, and in that moment, deeply agonized. Jesus had to choose indifference to complete the work He had come to do.
What does healthy indifference look like?
Reflecting on indifference, or as Ignatius (1491-1556) refers to it, “detachment”, Gerald May writes:
Detachment is the word used in spiritual traditions to describe freedom of desire. Not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire… An authentic spiritual understanding of detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire. Instead, it “aims at correcting one’s own anxious grasping in order to free one’s self for committed relationship to God.”
Conversely, disordered attachments lead us down a very different path. We grasp at, overreach, and attempt to take control. In reality, you and I have no power or control over what happens in this world, no matter how we may try to convince ourselves we do!
What does indifference look like in your life?
A parting of the ways is something that we are often called to as Jesus followers. There will be moments where our response to an invitation from the Lord will require everything from us. While very few of us have been called to make a sacrifice as arduous as Jesus’, we all will be challenged to trust Him during difficult times. Counting the cost of following Jesus in life and ministry will, at some point, prove difficult.
Questions for reflection:
How do disordered attachments manifest themselves in your life or ministry?
What does healthy indifference look like in your life/ministry?
How are you practicing indifference in your life/ministry?
What invitation is Jesus offering you to practice indifference?
How are you doing at maintaining healthy indifference?
I’ll close with a quote from the mystic, Thomas Merton (1915-1968):
“We cannot see things in perspective until we cease to hug them to our own bosom.”
Now Available! Christian Coaching Essentials is NOW AVAILABLE! This book is truly as titled—the essentials you need to learn to become a quality Christian Coach. It’s laid out to help you learn and includes bonus links to dozens of resources to help you get started. We are really excited about it and would love for you to give it a read!
Welcome to the second week of Lent and our series on the Easter story. This season is a great opportunity for reflection–to check in with yourself, your relationships, your work and your faith. Lent can be a powerful time of the year to slow down, focus on the health of your soul, and become more aware of the voice of the Holy Spirit in your life.
If you caught last week’s blog, I invited our readers to do one of three things:
Continue your spiritual rhythms as you have been so far this year
Reintroduce lapsed practices you have let lie dormant or make them a more regular part of your daily routine
Foster a new sense of curiosity you’ve been desiring by introducing new disciplines into your daily routine
We are following the Stations of the Cross, particularly the seven most relevant to our series. Last week, we examined how Jesus was forced to carry his own cross, and means of death, to the place of his execution. This is where he physically began the journey towards his purpose here on earth.
This week we’re examining when Jesus falls for the first time as he carries the heavy cross toward the site of his execution. This is a reminder to us of Jesus’s very physical limits. Jesus came to earth fully human, with the same capabilities as you and me. It must have been a humbling moment, full of pain and exhaustion for Jesus. It was his strong calling and perfect love that pushed Him to get up again.
I find comfort in the words of the psalmist: “But as for me, I almost lost my footing.
My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone...” (Psalm 73:2 NLT )
In our own lives we face moments of “loose footing.” It’s rarely something as drastic as Jesus falling while walking towards his own death, but we all have hundreds of moments where we fail, suffer, and face all kinds of setbacks and obstacles. From a flat tire on our way to work to a life-altering event, we face difficulties we must overcome. In these moments, it can feel tempting to give up. The more challenging the situation is, the more we often want to escape–find any road that will get us away from where we are so we may find peace again. It is much harder to push on as Jesus did, yes it is necessary to accomplish what must be done. If you never pushed through moments of difficulty, think about where you would be now! And as you look ahead to difficulties on the horizon, knowing what you have overcome in the past, knowing what Jesus overcame, can give us the confidence to keep going. Jesus faced this ultimate hardship to show us that we all can get back up again.
Last week I shared my dark night of the soul journey from last year at this time. One lesson I learned, relearned, and took a remedial course on, was how to get back up when I stumbled. I experienced some very difficult emotional and spiritual challenges that led me down dark paths with seemingly no exit. It wasn’t until I began integrating new spiritual disciplines that I was able to navigate The Wall, which I describe as a “spiritual fog.”
I share these practices with you so that maybe you, too, can have added tools to help you navigate the inevitable “Wall” that we all experience from time to time.
Three practices to help you navigate difficult times:
Gratitude – start my day by writing out things for which I am grateful.
Centering Prayer (also called clearing prayer or meditation) – ask the Lord for a word and focus on that word only in order to clear my mind.
Intercessory prayer – ask the Lord what and whom to pray for and the best way to pray for them.
These new habits are helping me strengthen the spiritual muscles that keep me moving forward.
When reality is too painful
When times are tough we have choices to make. From my vantage point, when times are rough the typical evangelical church is not prepared to help people navigate those moments well. You have probably had times–or know someone who has– when you have experienced difficult moments and lacked the ability, strength or intuition to know what to do. Here are three reasons why we find ourselves in pain and do not often see a way forward.
Incompatibility: the current evangelical pathway of spiritual formation does not take into account The Wall (difficult, life-altering experiences)
Inability: leaders are not equipped to help others down a pathway (especially if they themselves have not journeyed this way before)
Avoidance: the intensity of the pain is so great that the solution seems unbearable (this can lead the individual believer to avoid The Wall altogether)
Because of the above, many people never reach the later stages of spiritual formation. This is a sad reality and one reason why, in my humble opinion, the church in the West has not matured spiritually. My encouragement to you is to press on (or should I say “stand up”) when you stumble. Do not take the easy way out! Do the hard work and “heavy lifting” required to pick yourself up when you are down.
Questions for reflection:
Where do you feel you have overcome obstacles before?
What helped you to push through those difficult moments?
What have you learned from your failures and difficulties?
How have your own obstacles helped you to become a better leader?
What obstacles are you facing today?
What is the result you are hoping for and why does it matter?
What do you need to do to set yourself up for a fruitful season during Lent?
I’ll close with a quote from Jeremiah 6:16 (NLT)
“Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Now Available to Preorder! Christian Coaching Essentials will be available in Kindle and paperback from Amazon on March 7, 2023! That’s only a week away! This book is truly as titled—the essentials you need to learn to become a quality Christian Coach. It’s laid out to help you learn and includes bonus links to dozens of resources to help you get started. We are really excited about it and can’t wait to get the resource in your hands!
Welcome to the first week of Lent and the first part of our series on the Easter story.
This year, I have felt this season could be a helpful time to study the Stations of the Cross. What can we learn from Jesus as he takes the final steps in the journey towards his own calling?
This is a great opportunity for reflection–to check in with yourself, your relationships, your work and your faith. Lent can be a powerful time of the year to slow down, focus on the health of your soul, and become more aware of the voice of the Holy Spirit in your life.
Take a moment now to check in with yourself. How are you feeling as Lent begins? What are you hoping to gain throughout the coming seven weeks? How do you feel the Holy Spirit is guiding you?
This year, I invite you to do one of three things:
Continue your spiritual rhythms as you have been so far this year
Reintroduce lapsed practices you have let lie dormant or make them a more regular part of your daily routine
Foster a new sense of curiosity you’ve been desiring by introducing new disciplines into your daily routine
If you are looking for new disciplines, let me suggest two I’m especially fond of:
Lectio Devina – This might be a new way of reading and reflecting on scripture to start your day.
Prayer of Examen – I have incorporated a noontime Examen to “interrupt” my day, as well as an evening Examen, to lean into the rhythms of reflection and prayer.
Now, on to the focus of the first week of Lent.
Following the Stations of the Cross (we are focusing on the seven most relevant to our series), after Jesus is condemned to death by crucifixion He is forced to carry his own cross–and means of death–to the place of his execution. This is where he physically begins the journey towards his purpose here on earth:
Then Pilate turned Jesus over to them to be crucified.So they took Jesus away. Carrying the cross by himself, he went to the place called Place of the Skull (in Hebrew, Golgotha). John 19:16-17 (NLT)
Carrying a cross at the time of Pontius Pilate was meant to humiliate and torment those condemned to death. To us these many years later, it has come to mean something very different.
In Luke 9:23-24 Jesus said to the crowds following him, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it”.
Carrying a cross is symbolic of surrender and submission to our Lord. It is laying down what the world tells us is important and instead taking up the burden of our faith. Carrying our cross requires deep trust in our Lord, and, like Jesus’s trek toward the Place of the Skull, it can feel harrowing, overwhelming and even hopeless at times. However, we also know that Jesus did not carry it alone; Simon of Cyrene was made to carry his cross once Jesus’s body began to fail him.
Every human needs the help of others to bear our cross.
Last year at this time I was going through a difficult moment. The details of the journey I went through is worth sharing.
It’s hard to describe when you’re in a spiritual fog – it casts a dark shadow over everything. In spiritual direction they call this The Wall (read The Critical Journey by Hagberg and Guelich). I needed help. Specifically, I needed help picking up my cross and, under the weight of the burden, I needed to be willing to invite people to help me stand up and take the next step. In the beginning they were baby steps, and over time they became childlike steps, then adolescent steps…you get the idea. I needed to lean into the Spirit and the people already in my life. Some of these were people I didn’t know but needed to get to know, like wise men, a counselor and spiritual director. Through the loving support of my wife, family and friends, I find myself in a much different place this year. My encouragement comes from Simon of Cyrene who was made to carry his cross once Jesus’s body began to fail him.
I certainly can’t relate to the pain and agony Jesus felt under the burden of His cross – but He relates to you and me.
Five practices that will help you carry your cross:
Observe the Sabbath
Fasting
Prayer
Community
Mentors
Questions for reflection:
What does it mean to take up your cross in this season?
Where have you felt you needed help with your cross?
Who, what, or by what means have you found help?
What type of support do you need at this time?
Who do you know who might need help with their cross?
I’ll close with a quote from the mystic, Teresa of Ávila (1515-1582):
“We always find that those who walked closest to Christ were those who had to bear the greatest trials.”
Coming Soon!
Our latest book, Christian Coaching Essentials is currently at the printers! This book is truly as titled—the essentials you need to learn to become a quality Christian Coach. It’s laid out to help you learn and includes bonus links to dozens of resources to help you get started. We are really excited about it and can’t wait to get the resource in your hands! Keep an eye out for its release in the next couple of weeks!
Once again, we find ourselves entering the season of Lent! This is a bittersweet season on the Christian calendar–and for some of us, a fairly new observance and that may feel unfamiliar. Growing up, I was aware of Lent with Ash Wednesday and Maundy Thursday being the primary focus. (I wonder how some brothers and sisters within the Protestant camp view Lent–e.g., as a primarily Catholic tradition–though I realize a large percentage of Protestants have observed Lent over the centuries). When I first graduated seminary and served on a mainline church staff I was introduced to a liturgical expression of the Lenten season. Then, when my wife Gina (who has a charismatic, Anglican background) and I married, we took a more intentional approach to fasting, prayer and learning more about how other Christians around the world observe Lent.
I appreciate Lent. It offers you and I a chance to slow down and reflect, identifying what things need to be part of our lives and how to remove obstacles to give more space to our spirituality. Lent can introduce new rhythms in our spiritual lives that can enhance our faith and the communities we serve. In my coaching and training with liturgical church leaders, my friends come from a wonderful depth of tradition that the evangelical church could and should learn from. There are many ways to embrace this season: some fast, taking the 40-day period as a solemn and serious retreat from ordinary life. More importantly, it’s an invitation to invite the Holy Spirit into your day-to-day life to intentionally reflect, grieve and rejoice in the story of Christianity.
Through the next seven weeks leading up to Easter, I will be using the classic stations of the cross. We will follow Jesus on his journey through death, highlighting the significant events that led to our salvation. This year I want to invite you to use this time not only to think about Jesus and His sacrifice, but also to discover what we can learn from Lent, specifically as leaders who multiply disciples, groups and churches. The season of Lent can breathe new life into your dry bones.
Questions for your reflection:
What is your experience with Lent?
What does Lent mean to you?
How could you benefit from engaging with Jesus this Lenten season?
For me, the reasons to slow down are very personal. In the past I’ve had seasons when I’ve been willing to engage in Lent more fully than other seasons. It probably was the combination of stage of life, family rhythms, church orientation to Lent, etc. This year, I am in a different place. I find myself wanting and needing to slow down. Life has been busy. Gina and I are now fully in the “empty nest” season of life. After having both of our young adult children home through their final year of university, they are now truly living on their own.
Back in the fall of 2021 I began my journey with a cohort into spiritual formation and enlisted the services of a spiritual director. I didn’t know then how timely this would become. Gina and I are now part of a new church startup in our community, and 2023 is a different season altogether. The fruit of that spiritual journey has been invaluable, and the season of Lent is a great opportunity for me to delve deeply into reflection and communion with Jesus during the start of a new chapter of our lives.
Where do you find yourself? If you are like me, coming out of lockdown has presented many challenges. The isolation we experienced and the artificial nature of human interaction over the internet has taken a toll on us all–whether we’re aware of it or not. Upon returning to the airport for the first time pre-Covid, it felt oddly familiar yet also subtly different. Everyone acted as if nothing had changed, yet people are now hyper-aware of things like personal space and cleanliness. Minor things but notable.
This is my invitation for you to pause and reflect–not as a one-time act, but throughout the entire 46 days of Lent. Use these questions to help you prepare as we approach this special season:
What would you like your focus to be during Lent?
How will you engage?
What is one area of your life that needs attention?
What are you willing to give up to give this area the attention needed?
Describe your intention throughout Lent to draw closer to Jesus.
I’ll close with a quote from the poet, Elizabeth Barrett Browning:
Earth’s crammed with heaven And every common bush afire with God; But only he who sees, takes off his shoes; The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries.
Coming Soon!
Our latest book, Christian Coaching Essentials is currently at the printers! This book is truly as titled—the essentials you need to learn to become a quality Christian Coach. It’s laid out to help you learn and includes bonus links to dozens of resources to help you get started. We are really excited about it and can’t wait to get the resource in your hands! Keep an eye out for its release in the next couple of weeks!
One of the pitfalls of launching small groups after the corporate gathering is established is that the DNA of disciple making can become secondary rather than primary.
Over the last three decades, I have observed many church planters who, in their compulsion to “go public”, have found themselves relaunching two years later. I want to address this gently for those who are in the pre-planting process (commonly known as the prenatal phase) so as not to discourage anyone who has already launched.
If you have already launched public worship services, the reflection questions at the end of this blog might be of interest.
Can disciple making DNA be established after public services have been launched?
Absolutely! The reality is, though, that most new church planters invest so much time, energy, and resources into the public gathering that when it comes to creating disciple-making communities, their bandwidth for giving that same energy is severely diminished. Remember that old illustration of putting the big rocks in the vase first, then filling in the smaller rocks around them? That describes the tension church planters experience often.
Nearly every planter feels this tension, which then becomes intrinsic in the DNA of the congregation. To establish small groups with the purpose of making disciples, you will be asking people who have become accustomed to attending the public gathering to make a second commitment. For some, the corporate gathering is the extent of the commitment they are able to make. For others, the connectivity smaller gatherings provide is compelling enough. A healthy percentage of people who participate in public gatherings and who are engaged in small groups is 80 percent. This is a metric that defines a church of small groups as opposed to a church with small groups.
Let’s unpack this a bit more.
Why are planters compelled to start corporate gatherings first?
Three common drivers to launch a public gathering:
Theological – planters are compelled by the mandate to make more and better disciples
Internal pressure – the planter intrinsically senses the need to start public gatherings to justify their hard work (to make something happen)
External pressure – from a funding partner, denominational supervisor, or the community, because that is their metric of success
Slow your roll
We often feel compelled to start with gathering corporately, but Jesus put his attention to orient, prepare and equip His disciples as he prepared to launch His public ministry. I imagine He anticipated and knew as soon as He performed His first miracle that word would spread quickly. This man from Galilee had a small gathering of apprentices who were following Him and spent time together to get to know Jesus and each other. During this time they were learning what it meant to follow Him. As they were becoming disciples they began making disciples. This is the motif I like to use for the process of church planting: beginning with the conception of a vision, leading to multiplication of disciples who make disciples. That is the backdrop for what follows.
To combat this drive to go public, in some cases prematurely, I like to challenge planters to “Slow your role!” Instead of giving into the internal and external pressure to go public, channel your energy to begin with the end in mind – make more and better disciples first. Once you have embedded that DNA into a 2nd and 3rd generation movement of disciple making, invite those groups to come together and experience the corporate gathering with a strong foundation of disciple making.
Benefits of starting with the end in mind:
Making disciples takes time, and the time you give it at the very beginning will solidify that DNA into the life of the newest disciples
It will give you a real sense of who God is already working in and who is most responsive to the gospel
It will provide a fishing pool to recruit volunteers to launch public gatherings
It will give you insight into who your future small group leaders and future church planters may be
Service in the community you serve can become a value in the lives of small group participants as they discover their gifts
Making disciples will shape the corporate gathering
Challenge the Status Quo
My view is that the way churches have been planted–with the idea of launching a corporate gathering as the primary means of making disciples–has attracted the low-hanging fruit. To get different results–mature disciples with a Kingdom vision to make disciples–different approaches have been tested, resulting in different results.
Imagine you are 3-6-9 months into your public gathering and you already are seeing people come to Christ. Now, consider the effort it has taken. Compare and contrast that to the amount of energy that you have invested to make disciples who reproduce.
Questions to consider:
What are the irreducible minimums that you need to do to make more and better disciples?
What are the essential environments required to accomplish these things?
Who are the people you need now to move your vision forward?
What kind of people will you need later to launch a public gathering?
What are the essential next steps you must take to move your vision forward?
New Resources Christian Coaching Essentials
We’re excited to announce the release of our latest book, Christian Coaching Essentials!
In this book you will discover the power of a comprehensive Christian coaching process. With the purchase of the book you also gain access to a self-led online course and resources! More to be shared in the upcoming weeks leading up to the release of the book, Christian Coaching Essentials!
This month we’ve been exploring ways to maintain our physical and emotional well-being in 2023. As we close out the month, we turn our focus to what it can look like to live out healthy habits around work rhythms through the art of delegating.
Our work rhythms become comfortable after a while. Even in the mundane day-to-day tasks that don’t necessarily bring us joy, it’s easy to live in the mindset of, “I’ll just do it. I can do it quicker.” But too often, that mindset leads to more stress and frustration. Why? Because we hold onto tasks that can be given to someone else (who may be able to do it better) in order to focus our attention on the things only we can do–move the vision and mission of our work forward.
The art of delegation requires some practice, but it’s an important element in keeping our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being in alignment. This applies to everyone–coaches, pastors and business owners all need to delegate some of their responsibilities in order to maintain healthy rhythms of life and not be overwhelmed by the tasks of every day.
If you’re finding that you don’t have the margin you need to move your vision forward, it’s time to explore how you can give away the tasks that are holding you back. I, too, have found myself in a situation where I needed to let certain responsibilities go so that I could move my coaching forward. Instead of building processes and delegating tasks, I had unintentionally allowed the tasks of the day to monopolize my time. Eventually, I found myself in a real bind. It left me near the end of my emotional bandwidth; I was tired, irritable and not enjoying life. Someone pointed the problem out to me and suggested I delegate some of my workload so I could concentrate on doing what only I could do. It was a simple suggestion that was more complicated to execute.
3 Considerations When Delegating Tasks That are Holding You Back
Pruning – deciding what tasks others can do and then allowing them to take them on
Releasing Control – delegating means you have to let go and empower others
Grieving – you had a rhythm that worked for you; don’t be surprised when it’s hard to let that go
1. Pruning
Leaders don’t thrive when they are spread too thin, and the mission suffers for it. Warning signs include mental and emotional exhaustion and feeling spiritually dry. Readiness to prune is usually gauged by pain tolerance. When a leader hits a wall then she/he is probably ready to prune. Pruning away the tasks that are holding you back is the road to increased fruitfulness. Here is an exercise to assess what to prune. First, track how you spend your time and identify the top categories that are taking time. Second, ask the following questions:
What can you delegate?
What can you stop doing and no one would notice?
What can you, and only you, do?
2. Releasing Control
There are a lot of motivations that influence a leader to want to control a situation or another person. The reality is that control is actually not an achievable goal. In very few circumstances can a leader control anything. Control is an illusion! And leaders who struggle with control are STRESSED.
Parents who hover over their kids. Bosses who micromanage employees. Husbands or wives who gaslight their spouse. Coaches who penalize their players unnecessarily. Leaders who over work their team members. Struggling to surrender control is an emotional symptom to a spiritual problem.
Steps to Surrender Control:
1. Awareness Control often has a firm grip on you before you are even aware of it. There is no recovery from control without an awareness that it is a problem.
2. Forgiveness Control is seeped in judgment and is often multifaceted, involving skewed views of yourself, of others, and even of God. To truly surrender control, it may be necessary to do an inventory of judgements you are holding onto and process through asking for, receiving, and maybe even extending forgiveness to relevant parties (including yourself).
3. Change Control will continue holding you back unless you change your relationship with it. And change is never easy. It’s best to have a solid delegation plan in place and then contingency plans to help you when control threatens to surface again.
Questions to Help Leaders Surrender Control:
What is causing your stress?
How are you compounding your stress?
What is a more desirable outcome?
What new behaviors can you adopt?
What are some things that you can do to make things right?
3. Grieving
Can you grieve the loss of tasks? Absolutely. Every single change involves loss. Changing habits means losing the comfort of a familiar rhythm. You established that rhythm because it met a need and worked for you for a time. But that rhythm is now holding you back and needs to be changed. Delegating means letting go of processes that served you well and entrusting them to others. It means changing your relationship with processes and with people. That’s a lot of change that requires letting go of what has become comfortable and maybe even important to you. It is almost impossible to move on without processing through these losses.
Processing What is Lost
If you want delegation to stick, it is important to acknowledge your loss. Here are some questions to help:
Which tasks or processes are you feeling uncomfortable delegating?
In addition to the task, what else are you giving up by delegating it?
How has that rhythm served you well in the past?
In what ways is that rhythm holding you back from accomplishing your goals?
How is passing on this task helping in the development of others?
What I’d love for you to take away from this is that delegating is necessary for strong physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It took me some time but once I started giving away tasks to others, I found myself in a much better place. Bottom line – I became more productive doing the things that only I can do, am gifted at, and enjoy doing.
New Resources
Christian Coaching Essentials
We’re excited to announce the release of our latest book, Christian Coaching Essentials!
In this book you will discover the power of a comprehensive Christian coaching process. With the purchase of the book you also gain access to a self-led online course and resources! More to be shared in the upcoming weeks leading up to the release of the book, Christian Coaching Essentials!
Today marks the final blog in our series on establishing and maintaining well-being as we enter the new year. The last two weeks we explored physical and emotional health; today we dive into our spiritual well-being. Of all the areas of personal well-being, our spiritual health can be the most difficult to understand and maintain. There are clear signs we are struggling with our physical and emotional health: our weight goes up, our depression and anxiety kick in, our body tells us when something is off. Spiritual signs of struggle, however, can be harder to detect.
Struggles with Spirituality
As Christians it is common to face struggles with faith. Our spirituality goes through phases, often aligning with the phases of our lives. During difficult times we may go through a period of anger towards God, or doubt our faith. When the world feels overwhelming and dark, we may feel hopeless in our spirits. Most often, we simply feel out of step and distant as we get caught up in our day-to-day lives, or like we have come up against a wall, unsure how to move forward in our faith.
Here are some common causes of spiritual struggles:
Death or pain of a loved one
Health, financial, or relationship issues
Major life changes
Feeling bored by life’s routines
Feeling overwhelmed or too busy
Comparing our spiritual journey with others
Depression and anxiety
These moments are all difficult, and it is normal–even necessary–for our faith to be challenged by life’s trials. These difficulties provide us opportunities to grow closer to God and become aware of how the Holy Spirit works through us and around us.
Here are some ways to reinvigorate your spiritual health:
Make time daily for quiet reflection
Read and meditate on Scripture
Read new books, listen to podcasts or watch movies that will prompt new spiritual questions and probe your thinking
Join a small group
Make intentional time to help those around you
Find a spiritual director to talk through your struggles
Confide in friends, family, and most importantly, the Lord
One of the best decisions I made in 2021 was to find a spiritual director to help me process the issues of the day. I did this through 2022 and now, in 2023, I am engaging in the Ignatian Exercises, meeting weekly with my spiritual director to process issues that the Lord has brought to my attention. The encouragement I want to give to you about your spiritual development is this: begin where you are!
I am a big advocate for the Stop-Challenge-Choose tool, a very simple tool that was introduced by Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen, Co-Founder of OptaVia. Stop-Challenge-Choose allows us to reflect on specific actions and habits in our lives and consider how we can adapt for the better.
STOP: What do you need to stop doing?
CHALLENGE: What specific actions can you take to achieve different results?
CHOOSE: What new behavior, technique, or mindset changes will you adopt immediately?
Used with permission from Dr. A’s Habits of Health (pgs.133-137) by Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen
It is important to remember that well-being is holistic; all areas of health affect all other areas of health. If your mental health is suffering and you are feeling depressed or anxious, those feelings can distract and distance us from the Lord and impact our spiritual well-being. Likewise, if you are in poor physical health, it can have a significant impact on your mental health. Taking care of yourself is a way to honor the Lord.
Reflection Questions:
Which moments have been difficult for your faith in this last year?
Who or what helped you through these moments?
When were the moments you felt closest to God this year?
What sparked these moments?
What is your spiritual routine (prayer? Readings? Reflections?)
What action can you take to grow spiritually this upcoming year?
Today we turn toward emotional health in our series on establishing and maintaining health in the near year. Last week, we looked at the importance of our physical health and maintaining our physical well-being. Now, we turn inward.
The last few years have been hard. Pandemics, politics, isolation, anxiety, depression, global crises. Many of us are still feeling some damage to our mental health, and the outcome can be felt in just about every area of our lives.
Here are some common signs that your mental health is not at its best:
Loss of sleep – Whether you have trouble falling asleep, waking in the night or waking too early, losing sleep is one of the most common signs of depression and anxiety.
Lack of motivation – You are less productive, have trouble concentrating and are reluctant to begin or finish tasks you know you need to do.
Irritation – You are more irritable with the people around you. Things that wouldn’t ordinarily have bothered you are now frustrating you, maybe even in the form of outbursts or snapping at others.
Loss of joy – things that once made you happy, like time with friends or a peaceful walk, no longer bring you joy.
Low energy – You are often tired and feel sluggish.
Change in appetite/weight – You are eating more or less than normal and gaining or losing weight in a short amount of time.
Withdrawing – You don’t want to see friends, you don’t want to talk to your family, you have trouble asking for help.
Last year at this same time, I shared one of my favorite quotes on mental health along with these three observations:
“Mismanaged emotions not only determine whether you will become sick but also whether you will be happy, fulfilled, and successful in your life”
Hopelessness And Progression Of Heart Disease, Arteriosclerosis Thrombosis Vascular Biology
Everson, S A. Kaplan, G A. Goldberg. D E. Salon,R. 17, (8) pages 1490-1495.
Three Observations on Mental Agility
What the authors of the above quote are not saying: if you manage your emotions well you will live a healthy, happy, fulfilling and successful life. We all know people who do all the right things to manage their emotional health yet suffer the cruelest complexities of life. Yet there are things within our control that, if managed well, can mitigate the side effects that lead to some physical ailments. The things that are outside of our control–like DNA, pre-existing conditions, or certain pre-dispositions–we have to navigate as they come.
Happiness is not the same as joyfulness! Happiness is a temporary state. Joy comes from the ongoing, internal work of the Holy Spirit. You might not be happy at the moment–in fact, you might be suffering, grieving or feeling downright ornery–but you can maintain your joy in the experiential knowledge that God is always at work, knowing He can sustain you through the most difficult life and ministry challenges.
Fulfillment and success are not the best gauge of well-managed emotions! Most–if not all–leaders who have led their churches well through difficult times have at some point questioned their judgment. This has led some leaders to new heights and others to greater depths than they have known before. Leading in this season is a wild roller coaster ride and not for the faint of heart.
Boosting Mental Health
Because mental well-being is so intrinsically linked to both physical and spiritual health, one way to boost mental health is to make sure you are caring for your body and soul well. If you take a look at the common symptoms above, you can see that many are related to physical health (low energy, appetite and weight changes, loss of sleep). Mental health is also connected to your spiritual health. Connecting with a deeper meaning can reinvigorate joy and motivation.
Here are some ways that you might boost your mental health:
Exercise – Cardio is proven to lessen depression and anxiety. Working out actually gives us more energy and helps us regulate our sleep.
Eating well – trade the chips and ice cream for veggies and hummus (or another healthy snack that you enjoy). Make sure you are getting proper nutrition- it will give you energy and help you focus!
Prayer and reflection – taking quiet time to talk to God and share your feelings can be a great release and give you time to think about the underlying reasons for how you’re feeling.
Talk to friends and family – share how you are feeling and why. It will help those around you be patient and compassionate.
Ask for help – finding a counselor to help you explore and resolve some feelings can help immensely. They can provide wisdom and a perspective that we cannot see for ourselves.
7 questions to help you grow your mental agility
What insights about your mental agility can you glean as you have led over the past 12 months?
How can you consolidate those into new behaviors to manage your emotions?
Reflect on a real situation and consider how you can apply that learning in real-time?
What difference will it make if you do this well?
Is the benefit worth the effort?
What will you do to move the learning from a theory to a practice?
After you have taken a step of action, what new insight(s) do you have?
Together, we have journeyed through some of the strangest and most stressful years many of us have ever known, and while the year of 2022 brought back some semblance of “normal”, the world is still recovering from years of anxiety, sickness and division. One thing is for sure: our emotional, physical and spiritual health has been on a roller coaster ride. In the coming weeks, as we enter into a new year, I want to take some time to reflect on our well being, considering what 2023 may bring, and how we can support our emotional, physical and spiritual agility in the year to come.
We are beginning this series on health in 2023 by focusing on maintaining and building physical health. The new year is always a good time to reflect and set some (realistic and achievable) goals. Also, after a busy month full of family gatherings, holiday parties and Christmas ham and eggnog, we might be feeling a little sluggish.
Why do we struggle with maintaining physical health?
Some people are really good at keeping commitments to themselves in this arena. Others struggle. In fact, over 70% of adults in the United States are overweight or obese, with a population obesity rate of nearly 40 percent. Last year, I compiled a list of some of the reasons people struggle to prioritize their physical health:
Laziness
Negative experiences
Accountability
Pre-existing conditions
Weather
Motivation
Accessibility
Vision
Why is physical health important?
The advantages of being healthy from a purely physical standpoint are obvious: a healthy body lives longer, feels better and is capable of much more than a body that is not being cared for. A healthy body decreases the risk of heart disease, strokes, diabetes and even some forms of cancer.
However, the benefits of physical health extend to all areas of well-being:
Financial: Many of us have faced medical bills at some point in our lives, and we all know how shockingly expensive a trip to our physician can be. Health and Wellness Coach, Gina Reinecke, shares this statistic: “The average annual medical costs for those with obesity are over $1,400 higher compared to people in a normal weight range.”
Mental: Good physical health helps us to be more alert and less weary throughout our day. Our brain relies on healthy foods to stay sharp.
Emotional: Exercise is a great natural way to combat stress, depression and anxiety. Building routines involving movement will alleviate more emotional negativity than you realize.
Spiritual: God wants us to be the best versions of ourselves, and this includes our physical health. We become better friends, partners, co-workers and people in general when we are happy and healthy. It is also easier to focus on God’s mission for us when we are feeling our best.
This is not to say we all need to become bodybuilders or runway models to experience well-rounded health, nor is it to shame anyone for skipping the gym or helping themselves to an extra slice of cake. Feeling good inside and out can help us live the lives that God wants for us.
Find ways to help you maintain and prioritize health:
Find activities you enjoy
Take baby steps–like walking your block–and then increase gradually over time
Take a health assessment with a health coach
Find a buddy to do activities you both love to do together
Remove one thing in your diet you are confident is causing you trouble
I am also a big advocate for the Stop-Challenge-Choose tool. This is a very simple tool that was introduced by Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen, Co-Founder of OptaVia. This allows us to reflect on specific actions and habits in our lives and consider how we can change for the better:
STOP: What do you need to stop doing?
CHALLENGE: What specific actions can you take to achieve different results?
CHOOSE: What new behavior, technique, or mindset changes will you adopt immediately?
Used with permission from Dr. A’s Habits of Health (pgs.133-137) by Dr. Wayne Scott Andersen
7 coaching questions to help guide a physical health journey:
It’s one thing to tell a person what they need to do–it’s quite another to help them discover it for themselves. Here are some coaching questions that can help:
Can you describe “why” it is important for you to focus on your physical health? Your answer(s) might be:
play with your grandchildren
go on a hike
outlive a parent that died prematurely
In what ways does your “why” compel you?
What does success in your health look like?
Identify your greatest challenges?
What changes do you need to make in order to reach your goal?
Who do you know that can help you on your journey?
What is one simple thing you can do that will help you get started?
Do you have a goal related to your physical health in 2023? I would love to know what has worked for you in the past or what you may be doing differently this year!
When it comes to health, we all face the tension between our ideal lives and our reality. Our ideal lives would allow room for the activities that make optimum well being possible. The pressures of life require that we make choices which challenge our resolve to make health a priority in 2023.
How is your health today compared to this time last year?
Did your plans get derailed (again!) by the demands of life and ministry?
Do you feel empowered or defeated, proud or ashamed of the state of your health?
Do you have a vague sense of what you wish to change, or do you have a solid plan in place for your physical, mental, and spiritual well being in 2022?
Putting a microscope to our own habits isn’t always an easy or comfortable task. But doing it in a safe space with other sojourners can take the edge off (and take us off the edge!). Creating a plan is the first order of business!
Here’s what one pastor recently shared about his health journey:
“If I am going to take care of people, the only way I can do that is if I am taking care of myself. Too many times pastors are at the beck and call of staff, congregants, and anyone who has a need, putting our own well being on the back burner.
When I began to give attention to my health I had so much more energy, my sleep was better, I was able to be more alert and present with people everyday.
It took me from a place of feeling mentally oppressed, to feeling like I could make a difference in people’s lives.”
Here are a few suggestions to create your own 2023 health plan:
Discover your “why.” Why do you even care to be healthy? What difference will it make to the quality of your life and ministry? What has God called you to, and how can you powerfully step into that with your mind, body, soul and strength?
Evaluate your current reality and discover some simple approaches to shore up areas that are holding you back and draining your energy. If you would like to take a brief assessment and schedule a free follow-up conversation with my wife Gina Reinecke, certified health coach, you can contact her at ginareinecke@gmail.com.
Learn basic strategies to upgrade your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being. There is ample information available at our fingertips via a quick search on the internet. Ultimately, this is a great way to kick off 2023!
Throughout the month of January, I invite you to do a thorough assessment of your physical, emotional, and spiritual goals so that you can make the most out of 2023.
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