I was catching up with a pastor friend the other day, and he dropped a truth bomb that stopped me in my tracks. He looked at me and said:
“How can I expect my people to make disciples when I’m not doing it myself?”
That kind of honesty is refreshing, isn’t it? But it also pulls back the curtain on a struggle so many of us feel. It got me thinking: If the “Great Commission” is our primary bread and butter, why does it often feel like a side dish?
What’s Really Standing in the Way?
Before we can find a way forward, we have to be honest about the hurdles. Usually, it boils down to three simple (but stubborn) things:
- The “Definition” Deficit: We haven’t landed on a clear, shared picture of what a disciple actually looks like.
- The “How-To” Hesitation: We aren’t quite sure what it actually takes to walk alongside someone.
- The Complexity Trap: We’ve made the process so academic or intimidating that people feel they need a PhD just to grab coffee and talk about Jesus.
Finding the Sweet Spot
Think of disciple-making as a continuum. On one end, you have the NON-DIRECTIVE approach—it’s fluid, relational, and spontaneous. On the other end, you have a DIRECTIVE —a clear, step-by-step map of what a disciple needs to be and do.
Regardless of where you land on that scale, there are two “superpower” skills that make the difference between a nice chat and a life-changing transformation: Listening well and asking the right questions.
Where Coaching Comes In
This is where the art of coaching meets the heart of discipleship. It’s about helping someone else hear from the Holy Spirit, rather than just giving them all the answers.
When we stop “telling,” and start “asking,” we create space for people to own their own growth. It simplifies the process, and makes it a lot more human.
Curious about how you’re doing in this area?
I’ve put together a simple quiz to help you assess your ability to help others listen to and discern the voice of the Holy Spirit. No matter what your specific “pathway” looks like, these insights will help you sharpen your focus.
I know how heavy the weight of leadership can feel, especially when your heart is for people, but your schedule is full of “programs.” It’s okay to admit that the mission feels daunting or that you’ve felt stuck in the complexity of it all. Please hear this: you don’t have to have all the answers to be a great disciple-maker; you just have to be willing to sit with someone, listen deeply, and point them toward the Father. You’re not alone in this journey, and even a small shift in how you listen can spark a massive shift in how others grow. We’re in this together, and I truly believe the best days of your ministry are ahead as you lean into these simple, life-giving connections.
