by Gary Reinecke | Sep 9, 2021 | Coach Training |
The last few weeks we have been looking at five shifts to make that will help empower your teenager to become mature, healthy self-led adults. We have looked at Shift #1: Talker to Listener and Shift #2: Center to Side. As a reminder, I am not an expert in parenting. But I have learned a thing or two about coaching and helping people take action towards the direction God has designed for them in life and ministry. Also, these five shifts are not limited to parenting. They relate to working with teenagers in youth groups or wherever you’re connecting with people in meaningful ways to help them take the next step on their journey to follow Jesus’ mission for their life. Let me give a bit of background so you have some context.
Shift #3: Causal Interaction to a Conversation with Purpose
One of the things we did very early with our kids was to use a coach approach whenever we could. Simply put – we used listening and asking questions versus telling. Of course, a parent must tell their child not to touch the hot stove or they can be seriously injured, but on other occasions, if the situation warranted, we tried to apply coaching technology.
This led to some very interesting conversations during their teenage years. Due to the location of our home we had three viable high school options within a 7 minute drive (10 minutes if we were in traffic). Early on in the decision-making process we decided each school was viable, had solid academics and comparable extra-curricular activities. I imagine, these are the primary priorities most parents consider when considering a public school. We had good, healthy and sometimes tense conversations about what school the kids wanted to attend. We agreed that this was a decision the kids would make. We were deliberate, discerning and prayed for wisdom along the way.
I liked the newest campus because it had all the bells and whistles that a new school in 2010 should have. Gina liked another school in particular because they offered the International Baccalaureate (IB) program. However, the kids preferred the largest school of the three: it offered the most dual enrollment courses, had the most Advanced Placement (AP) offerings and they had an amazing principal who was the founding leader with a stellar record. I discovered that dual enrollment credits transfer directly over to college which could save up to a year of tuition (I really appreciated their logic). It wasn’t the most attractive of the three options but it was not in any way deficient – so we went with this option.
Here are the things we did to move from a causal interaction to a conversation with purpose.
Key Question: How can I establish high trust?
Mini-Shifts:
- Build a trusting environment
- Empathy conveys that you feel what the other is feeling
- Adopt a coaching process
- Make their agenda your agenda and help them clarify a step.
- Engage with your teen
- Help them tap into their intrinsic motivation.
Below are two opportunities that can help you refine your disciple-coach skills!
5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST
Cost: $250.00
The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:
Cost: $475.00
by Gary Reinecke | Sep 3, 2021 | Coach Training, Disciplemaking |
Recently, we have been looking at five shifts to make that will help empower your teenager to become mature, healthy self-led adults. Last week, we looked at the Shift #1: Talker to listener. Shift two is all about moving from the center of their lives and decision-making to the side. As a reminder, I am not an expert in parenting. But I have learned a thing or two about coaching and helping people take action towards the direction God has designed for them in life and ministry. Also, these five shifts are not limited to parenting. They relate to working with teenagers in youth groups or wherever you’re connecting with people in meaningful ways to help them take the next step on their journey to follow Jesus’ mission for their life. Let me give a bit of background so you have some context.
Shift #2 – Center to Side
One of the things we did very early with our kids was to involve them in sports. When we lived in Phoenix, Gina and I coached their respective “recreation” soccer teams. We lived in the city and the rec leagues were designed for all kids to participate regardless of athletic ability or economic situation. Our son played one summer of T-ball and we asked him not to play again (the summer heat even for an early game was suffocating) and later basketball BTW – both kids are athletic and our son is a very quick learner so new sports came easy for him. They enjoyed sports.
When we relocated to Southern California we graduated from rec leagues to competitive soccer. What the kids gained were nicer uniforms, higher calibre of coaching and players with a bit more skill. What they lost was the fun factor! For me (playing competitive soccer most of my life through my sophomore year in college at a NCAA Div I program) and Gina (elite gymnast and field hockey player in Australia with the additional bonus of studying kinesiology at university) – we had to make a hard decision and consider: Was this about us or the kids?
Our response to that question led us down the path of understanding what we cared about and hoped to instill in our kids. So we made the hard decision to tell the kids that they did not have to play a competitive sport; but in exchange they had to remain active. That meant, regular body movement. We died to ourselves and helped the kids discover activities they were passionate about!
We took ourselves out of the center and moved to the side!
This meant we had to become like Barnabas. What we discovered was that we were able to dedicate the time we had given to all-weekend tournaments and engage with the kids on hikes, camping and exploring various activities like rock climbing, mountain biking and swimming together. Today, they continue to be curious about the outdoors, learning new activities like trail running and walking the streets to explore new parts of the city while testing their skills and levels of fitness with new activities. This was the vision of what we wanted for our kids back when we made the difficult decision of making this about them – not about us.
Here are some of the things we did to make this shift in the way we parented our teenagers.
Key Question: How can I resist the temptation to force my agenda and be attuned to the other person’s agenda?
Mini-Shifts:
- Sacrifice your need to be the center of the conversation
o Make your teenager the focus of the conversation.
- Support your teenager to discover their next step
o Facilitate the discovery of a step for your teen to take responsibility.
- Put your assumptions, opinions, and biases in the background
o Resist the temptation to make judgements and remain curious.
Following are two opportunities that can help you refine your disciple-coach skills!
5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST
Cost: $250.00
The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:
Cost: $475.00
by Gary Reinecke | Aug 26, 2021 | Uncategorized |
We are fast approaching the Fall. Some parents are dreading the upcoming school year. Others are relieved. Not too long ago we were parenting our two high school age children through this exciting phase in their development. Today our children are in their early to mid-twenties and together, we have grown into new ways of communicating – both parents and young adults.
I will share five shifts we made when we encountered these dynamic years with our two children. Right off the top; I am not an expert in parenting. But I have learned a thing or two about coaching and helping people take action towards the direction God has designed for them in life and ministry. Second, these five shifts are not limited to parenting. They relate to working with teenagers in youth groups or wherever you’re connecting with people in meaningful ways to help them take the next step on their journey to follow Jesus’ mission for their life. I found that I had a multitude of examples of these shifts while empowering my teenagers to become self-led adults.
Shift #1 – Talker to Listener
One of the things we did very early with our kids was introduce the idea of internships. Whatever their interests were, we connected them with people we knew and respected in that particular field. We had both kids in summer internships by the time they entered high school. This was important for their development because it gave them a sense of responsibility, curiosity and confidence.
To learn about the kids’ interests, we had to be disciplined in our interactions. We forced ourselves not to react when we heard “surprising” developments about what they experienced at school that day with a classmate, or what a teacher said that might have been taken out of context or the latest slang terminology. Instead of reacting we responded with – “tell me more?” Sounds simple. And it is in theory. Try it next time you interact with your teenager.
Our eldest was interested in finance. His first internship was with a real estate broker. The broker saw that our son was a fast learner. By the end of that summer our son had processed the paper-work for a $1million loan (under the watchful eye of the broker). What did this do for our son? He discovered certain parts of the job he enjoyed, others he did not enjoy as much and still others that were necessary but not his passion.
Our youngest wanted to work in a pediatric physical therapy clinic. The children were on a spectrum of mild to severe disabilities. As a young teen, my daughter supported the work of the therapists, and interacted with the patients and parents. Similar to our son, she learned a number of lessons that she stored in her memory banks for her future schooling and career choices.
Bottom line! To get the kids to the place from the conception of an internship it began with a curiosity in the work, which progressed to an interest to the point of taking action. These steps were all necessary and important to enter into a work environment as an intern. Our part – listen to the processing they were going through in their heads until they came to a point of taking action.
Here is a simple framework that helps breakdown Shift #1 – Talker to Listener.
Assume a Listening Posture
Key Question: How can I ignore my tendency to share my wisdom and seek to listen?
Mini-Shifts:
- Take the posture of a learner
o A coach must believe that they don’t know it all.
o Stay in a quiet place while your son or daughter processes what they sense the Holy Spirit is saying to them.
o Actively remain in a non-anxious state
Real – time Actions:
o Without contaminating what your son or daughter is processing
- Ask the other person “Is there more?”
o No other question is needed at this time
Following are two opportunities that can help you refine your disciple-coach skills!
5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST
Cost: $250.00
The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:
Cost: $475.00
by Gary Reinecke | Aug 19, 2021 | Disciplemaking |
If you are one of our followers who has taken the Disciple Coach Quiz, processed the results with us and passed it along to your own disciples, you might be wondering what you can do next. How can you utilize your Quiz results even further? Discipleship is a life-long journey, and wherever you are on that path, there is always a next step; a way to grow and bear more fruit, a way to deepen your relationship with God and others.
If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.
For those who are looking for a next step, we are offering a webinar on the 5 habits of a Disciple Coach. This webinar, like our inaugural webinar in November 2020, will be led by InFocus’s Executive Director, Gary Reinecke, and long-time InFocus partner Micah Dodson. This webinar is a great way to follow up on your newfound insights after you have taken the quiz and can help further deepen your understanding of Discipleship and hone in on the habits of a Disciple Coach. We will help you clarify your missional values, activate prayer, make relational connections and strategic partnerships, while learning how to create your own Disciple making Cycle.
Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!
In addition to the 5-hour webinar, we are also offering personal triad sessions following the webinar. In these sessions Gary or Micah will work closely with you and another Disciple Coach on your team, processing the webinar, working through your personal strengths and weaknesses, and discover your own unique and most effective way of making disciples. These five sessions of fifty-five minutes will help you to develop yourself and the future leaders around you!
5 Disciple Coach Habits webinar – Monday, October 11 from 10-3 PST
Cost: $250.00
The full package includes the webinar AND triad sessions:
Cost: $475.00
by Gary Reinecke | Aug 12, 2021 | Disciplemaking |
God has given us a personal mission to make disciple in our life in our own unique way, however… we don’t need to tackle that mission on our own! The Lord created us to be relational beings. We are meant to help each other strengthen our faith and grow as people. We need each other, especially when it comes to working through our mission. Partnerships keep us on the paths we’re meant to be, pursuing the mission that God gave us. When alone, it is easy to wander and to get distracted or discouraged.
Jesus understood the importance of working with others. He sent His disciples out in pairs to minister together, and encouraged them to debrief their experience when they returned. Jesus understood the importance of learning through experience, obedience and accountability, and knew they needed to learn to rely on each other because he wouldn’t be with them forever. Jesus trusted that they had what they needed to further the mission to make more and better disciples: strategic partnerships with one another and the Holy Spirit. Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” We can, and should, rely on each other, trust each other and grow together.
Accountability is essential in making and coaching disciples, and strategic partnerships answer the question: “Who will help me stay on mission?” Finding others around you who are making and coaching disciples as well, can help. Like the original disciples, having a partner to debrief experiences, discuss struggles and, most importantly, hold each other accountable. These relationships provide accountability, with grace, to the important actions that will support the newest disciples on their spiritual journey. Accountability helps the disciple coach keep the main thing the main thing, learn from real experience and stay in motion.
There are many ways to practice accountability. You can practice on your own (a great skill to build, but the hardest to hold yourself to), with a coach and with God.
- Accountability with yourself
- How am I prioritizing life events as a disciple coach?
- What am I not doing that I know I should be doing?
- Accountability with a partner
- What do you do to process missed opportunities as a disciple coach?
- How do you celebrate your progress when you act as a disciple coach?
- What do you do to process setbacks with a disciple when their good intentions don’t produce the intended fruit?
- What progress are you observing with the disciples you are coaching on a monthly, quarterly, and annual basis?
- Accountability with God
- What are you learning about God?
- How do you know when you are doing the things God has called you to do as a disciple coach?
If you still haven’t taken our FREE Disciple Coach Quiz, CLICK HERE.
Check out the 5 Disciple Coach Habits training coming up October 11 – CLICK HERE!
